my crazy life

I honestly can't think of a more appropriate title for the first post in almost five months.  I've missed writing, feel so overwhelmed with the mere thought of attempting to "catch-up," but know it's time to give a quick run down, so here goes (minus pictures - that's just too exhausting):

Let's see, where to begin . . .

so Caroline turned 16, Ryan put in his mission papers, another school year comes to a close, Ryan receives his mission call (Ukraine, Dnepropetrovsk / Russian speaking) the day before graduation, Ryan graduates from Skyline with high honors, we sell the house, we pack up the house, Caroline gets her driver's license, we make it to Bear Lake and Idaho for a few quick get aways, great week at Girls' Camp with the girls, an unforgettable experience with R and C on the Colorado River for youth conference, Sophie turns 12, we keep packing, PTA registration (ya, I'm PTA president), Caroline's high school tennis team tryouts, close on the house, move into the new house, school starts again - Liza 4th grade, Sophie 7th grade, Caroline 11th . . . Ryan's farewell, Chris turns 48, our 22nd anniversary, last family trip before Ryan leaves - take off for Hawaii, high school tennis matches, Sophie's volleyball season begins, Liza's swim team, furnishing the new house, Oakridge fall festival, region tennis tourney, take Ryan to MTC, state tennis tourney, preparing to speak in our new ward . . .

Blessed beyond measure and holding it all together - I'm sure the breakdown is just around the corner ;).

life in little squares

"Taking pictures is savoring life intensely,

every hundredth of a second."

Marc Ribaud

Meet my new favorite:  INSTAGRAM.

I guess it's not really "new" anymore since I began using the app about a year ago, but after discovering that one can share their entire instagram account online, I thought it's about time to mention my favorite little pastime.

Yes, the blog as suffered as a result of IG, but it's been wonderful to capture and share little moments in time that would otherwise be forgotten or stashed on my phone or camera forever.  Sometimes it's an event that needs to be recorded, such as a school or piano performance, family gatherings, vacations, birthdays, etc.  But more often than not, it's those seemingly insignificant moments that beckon to be captured:  time spent reading aloud with my daughter, the split second when I'm captivated by a sunset, mountain peak or a field of flowers; the impromptu pictures taken on a morning hike, my children's artwork, or anything in general that makes me smile.

All in all, it's added up to about a picture a day, so yes, it's our past year in little squares.  Oh, and the filters are just oh, so fun!

Now that my IG photos are online, the past year of daily pics are HERE.

Phew, almost feels like the blog is caught up now ;).

awe

Yes, I know it's 1:30am and yes, I know my 16 year old daughter is still out on a Saturday night.  The laundry is done, my YW lesson is finished, the song I need to play is polished, lists have been made, receipts are categorized for the end of month budget, and the rest of the family is sound asleep in bed (all but Sophie who is spending the long weekend on Lake Mead with friends).

So, what's a busy mom to do?  How about completely losing yourself watching youtube videos - there is some really great stuff out there! Tonight I have been enlightened by the Discovery channel and have to share this clip - you're going to love it. Enjoy:

Is it just me, or did watching this bring tears to your eyes too?  (probably just me ;).  We KNOW this feeling, that tingling sensation deep in my soul that tells me something magical is happening.  Like last night for instance - I stepped onto the back patio to water the flower pots just as a brilliant full moon was rising over the mountain ridge and creating willowy black silhouettes out of the ridge line trees.  It was magnificent, it took my breath away and I stood there for a moment, grateful for the timing and taking it in, mesmerized by the beauty and brilliant light of a full moon rising.

AWE.

These moments are what I live for and unfortunately, the pull of viewing someone else's moments of awe (i.e. my Instagram addiction) can rob me of these real moments that need to be experienced in the flesh.  Pictures are fabulous and give a momentary prick of enjoyment, especially when the photograph is particularly stunning. However, nothing compares to the pure rush of joy that fills the soul with something truly inspires.  It's exhilarating, and that's why this video recreated those moments of awe so perfectly . . . reminded me of my "responsibility to awe."

It made me reflect on the times when I feel that rush and I try to record as many of my "awe moments" in an informal journal where I record my little miracles.  It's been a few weeks since I've recorded anything solid, so for posterity's sake on the blog, here are a few things that bring on that giddy sense of awe, or "radiant ecstasy" as he says in the clip:

• Finding the Milky Way on a clear night, in a place far away from city lights.  Watching for shooting stars.
• Reading bedtime stories, singing songs, and tucking in my little ones.  Goodnight kisses, good morning kisses, snuggle time under the covers.
• Meaningful conversations with my teens.  Hearing "I love you" over the phone or getting a text with the same message.
• Flowers.  Really looking deeply into the blossom of a flower, any variety, and being blown away by the intricacy of creation.
• Art.  Art and sculpture move me.  The vibrant energy inside a museum is thrilling, especially when I come across a painting that immediately draws me in by its beauty, its struggle, its humanness.  I never leave a world class museum without feeling a deep sense of awe.
• Laughter.  Especially the open hearted giggles of children, and even better when it's my own children sharing a moment of laughter together.
• Holding a newborn.  Is there anything more awe inspiring than a child who is so fresh from heaven?  Snuggling a baby and drinking in that sweet baby smell will bring a sense of awe to even the hardest of hearts.
• Connecting deeply with someone and opening your heart.
• Nature.  The beauty of this earth overwhelms me at time with it's magnificence.  I've been brought to tears many times just by the simple majesty of a sunrise/sunset, the mountains, fields, oceans, rivers, and deserts.  The mere variety on this planet is enough to bring a sense of awe into anyone's life!
• Architecture.  Exploring the intricacies of cathedrals, old buildings, sky scrapers, and especially historic homes tends to heighten my sense of wonder.  
• Music.  I'll never forget the first time I really listened to Beethoven's 3rd Symphony (Eroica) - I was so blown away, I sat in my car, in the dark, to finish listening to the entire symphony.  It was an experience I'll never forget.  Music, especially hearing something so pure, creates a radiant sense of awe.

Just a little something to think about this coming week.  And no, Caroline isn't home yet and it's 2am.  Time to call and get that kid back where she belongs so I can get to bed :).

Here's to finding and holding onto those moments of awe, wonder, and inspiration . . .

wannabe movie critic

Yep, that seems an apt description for my unsolicited movie criticisms (don't ask me what I thought of Les Mis) and today for two minutes I chatted with one of the greatest movie critics EVER, David Denby from the New Yorker magazine.  He was featured on one of my favorite NPR programs, RadioWest with Doug Fabrizio (ok, love him) to promote his new book, "Do the Movies Have a Future."

I couldn't resist calling in, especially after listening to his thoughts about a current blockbuster (I decided right then and there we were kindred spirits).

They took my call and I not only said hello to Mr. Fabrizio (sigh), I had an opportunity to speak with Mr. Denby (very cool).

Disclaimer:  I NEVER call radio stations, ever.  This was a first, and within a few minutes a text and a couple emails from friends who listened to the program popped up, asking if indeed it was me spouting off about mediocrity at the megaplex.  Oh, yes indeed.  Never one to hold back an opinion when it comes to formulaic, manipulative movies (as explained in this post from last year).

So, here you go, an insightful interview with the brilliant Mr. Denby, and my radio moment (31 minutes into the hour): http://radiowest.kuer.org/post/do-movies-have-future

know.it.all.

I have a problem.  Alright, it's been awhile since I've aired my weaknesses, so I figured we're due.  Thank goodness for teenagers, at least mine anyway, because they have absolutely no qualms about telling you exactly where you fall short in your social interactions with others.  Which is why I wasn't at all surprised when Caroline announced that I need to "take it easy" and try not to sound so condescending around people, especially other adults.  In her words:  "Mom, don't be such a know-it-all . . . it makes people feel dumb when they're around you."

Chris was in the room and burst out laughing because, yes, as much as I hate to admit it, there is some truth in her statement.  The problem is that I'm not intentionally trying to "one up" another person or be condescending, but rather that I seem to have so much information floating around my head, it needs to unload somewhere and I figure "who doesn't want to be enlightened by this knowledge?!"  Sigh.

Caroline's frustration arose after our "scripture feast" Young Women's activity last week (an annual tradition - such a wonderful evening), and I thought everything went off without a hitch and was fabulous . . . until Caroline mentioned my problem.  I know, she's a little extra sensitive because I'm her mom and I completely understand that my role is to never embarrass her.  Enough said.

Anyway, I suppose it began when I started pointing out extra scriptures and historical references to enhance the girls' understanding, which Caroline said was fine because the girls seemed to enjoy listening and learning, but when she realized none of the leaders knew what I was taking about, that's when I was hitting the danger zone. Then I really plowed into unwanted territory when I blurted out the correct quote someone had misquoted, and then without listening the the internal voice that was screaming for me to shut up, I offered the correct author of the quote.  UGH.  I must have sounded something like this . . . "oh, and I believe the person who originally penned that phrase was Eleanor Roosevelt."  Not Good.  Apparently I didn't see Caroline rolling her eyes as I dug myself into a pit of unsolicited, trivial information.

I applaud my daughter for bringing this short sightedness to my attention and I promised I would watch myself, especially during Young Women activities and in church.  Well, that lasted about, um, a day.  This morning during a meeting with the presidency and our advisers all was going well and I was keeping unnecessary comments and thoughts to myself . . . until our conversation drifted to include an unfamiliar neighbor (who is from Iran) whose mother is in the hospital, and what we could do to help the family.  I said, "Oh, I've met her, she's lovely, she's Persian, right?"  The gal next to me answered, "No she isn't, she's Iranian."  And before she could even exhale her remark, I responded with "It's the SAME THING . . . Persia is Iran, people who live in Iran are Persian."  And I'm sure she could hear the inaudible "duh" at the end because an immediate feeling of "Julie, could you be any more annoying" immediately presented itself from around the table before I could kick myself for being such an idiot.

Sigh.  I'll get better.  Please don't take offense and if it will help, just think of me as the female version of Dwight . . .

so grateful

It's November and I would be amiss not to post at least one "gratitude" post.

So here it is . . .


Salt Lake City finally has it's very own TITLE NINE store and yes, I was so ecstatic that I visited this weekend before the sign was even up.

And, to make life even sweeter, ATHLETA will open in 9 days at City Creek (yep, just sent in my RSVP for the pre-opening event).

Alright, call me shallow, but I don't really "shop" and to have my TWO favorite stores arrive in Salt Lake within a few weeks of each other is nothing short of miraculous.

Truly grateful :).

ah, temple square

I am so blessed.  Brilliant, fall mornings like today make me ever so grateful to live where I live and have the myriad of opportunities available out my door each day.  This morning I decided to get back to my once-a-month temple visits downtown (didn't happen in the summer).  After getting parked and strolling onto the gorgeous temple grounds, I was kicking myself for not coming more often.  The flowers today were stunning.  Absolutely breathtaking.  Truly a sight to behold in September.

My temple visits never fail to strengthen my faith and hope that all is well, increase my love for others, and especially sustain my conviction and testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  The more I study, I mean really study, read, and ponder the words of modern and ancient prophets, the more convinced I am that this IS indeed the restored gospel in its purity.  My testimony is firm and I am committed to teaching my children these precious truths.

I love the gospel, it is everything to me.  I feel a little guilty that I don't take advantage of the many temples within a short distance of my home, but after today I will try to go more often . . . especially when I can drop the girls off at school and be downtown to the Salt Lake Temple in 15 minutes with time to spare to walk the grounds and drink in the beauty of it all.  Indeed, what a blessing.

I couldn't help myself:

 

 These flowers were just in front of the First Presidency building - AMAZING with the morning sun.

Autumn daisies, I'm in love!

21 years on the 21st

Happy 21st Anniversary to us

We celebrated our anniversary Friday afternoon mountain biking in Park City before we hit Main Street that evening for dinner.  Can I just say how glad I am we decided to get married in September - really, every year it's such a beautiful time to get out and do something together. The original plan was to head up and take a couple runs on the Alpine Slide before dinner, but after a little more thought, we decided to rent some bikes and have a go at the mountain.  We have been talking forever about finally upgrading our old mountain bikes, so we decided to rent to see what we've been missing.  Ya, it only took about 2 minutes to realize our circa 1990 bikes are a tad outdated.  So, donning matching helmets and matching bikes, courtesy of Jans we hit the trails . . . 

My attempt to get us both in a pic on the chairlift

 Beautiful Park City Mountain Resort

The bright aspens against the brilliant blue fall sky were spectacular!

After dropping off the bikes and spiffing up courtesy the Yarrow hotel bathrooms (perfect place for cleaning up and changing after skiing or biking . . .), we took a trip down memory lane and walked around the newly remodeled Washington School Inn where we spent our first night of our honeymoon so many years ago.  The proprietor was so kind to let us wander around and view the renovations.  It was just lovely and I was having no luck at all talking Chris into checking in for the evening (it definitely wasn't $450/nt when we stayed there), but it sure was stunning inside.

Our conversation over dinner was one of reflection, as well as looking forward.  This weekend was pretty full and it was interesting to wonder what we would have thought if someone had told us on the day we got married that in twenty-one years on the weekend we were celebrating our anniversary we would . . .

• have two teenagers heading to the homecoming football game with their friends on Friday night
• watch our daughter get ready for her first high school dance Saturday afternoon
• send our son with his Dad's car to pick up his Homecoming date for an "all day extravaganza"
• sit on the sidelines cheering my 11 year old daughter during her volleyball game
• take our 8 year old daughter to a birthday party
• celebrate with our 15 year old her undefeated high school tennis season
• discuss the progress of our 17 year old's college application
• listen to two girls practice piano & ask one daughter to practice, despite protest
• need to make sure all homework was complete
• complete my visa application for our trip to China
• have the privilege to sit surrounded by my four amazing children during the Brigham City temple dedication (broadcast) and know that this is what life is all about . . . our marriage, our children, our family, and the gospel.

time to blog??

Forget about it . . . after Chris' frustration the other day while I was scrambling to get ready to run up to the Snowbird branch to play piano (which had completely forgotten about until I stepped out of the shower and realized my neighbor who was giving me a ride was at the front door patiently waiting), he reminded me that if I would just MAKE A LIST and stop saying "yes" to everything, my life just might be a little less harried.  So, I quickly told my neighbor to go without me and set up, and I would hopefully be there for prelude.

And yes, I did make it in the nick of time and enjoyed a lovely meeting in the Cliff Lodge.  Our ward has the responsibility of holding sacrament up there each Sunday and I always enjoy playing for the small congregation of visitors that attend . . . especially when I actually remember that I am supposed to be there :-).

So, taking Chris' advice, I wrote down everything I need to do this week (not including Liza's informance, volleyball practice/game, Caroline's ballroom dance performances, kids' weekly lessons/activities, Art Night, Liza's baptism, and "teacher appreciation week" - which I am responsible for . . . oh heavens, do I dare tell him I've committed to PTA president!?!).

Here's the list I made yesterday morning and after Chris glanced at it last night, he added his own commentary (that would be the "holy crap" part):

One day I just may get back to blogging.

fine

This looks familiar . . .

When I ran across this yesterday it made me smile because if you know me well, you know that there is fine and then there is Julie fine, which my family will tell you means: absolutely "NOT FINE." 

Make sense?  Absolutely not, of course it doesn't.   It's what we optimistic people (mostly women) say when life isn't great or something is wrong and we don't want to pull anyone down into our dismal black hole of emotional distress.  That is precisely why this image hit home because apparently I've some fellow comrades out there. 

Confused?

So, how do you know which people on the planet that say "fine" truly mean they are fine and dandy, or which people are who say it are just Julie fine??

From my standpoint, a sincere "are you sure you're really fine?" will allow a friend to possibly open up and relate how they are feeling.  Or, on the other hand, really confuse someone who literally IS fine as they try explaining to you that yes, indeed, they are great and will you stop probing already!

freak.

a couple days ago while checking out at Costco, I happened to notice this . . .

First off, weren't the early 90's like yesterday?  And how in the world did the children born just a few years ago suddenly become legal??  And why is it when I read a news article and a 40-something "person of interest" is mentioned, I imagine that someone the same age as my parents?? (because you know that anyone over 40 is the same age as my parents ;-).  And why won't I just come clean and admit that I've graduated from "young mom" to "old mom"?

Maybe this will put everything into perspective . . .

Oh, and it doesn't help matters much when Chris really DID graduate from high school in the early 80's (1983), and is now officially closer to 50 than 40.  Um, ya, isn't that like, "grandparent" status age?

WHAAAA!!!

let's be frank

Alright friends (whom I'm thinking are mostly women, but to those men out there, you can stop reading about now ;-), it's time that I just came out with it and declare the war I wage with PMS. As my friend Kristin has noted, it's really not the best thing to blog when we women are unstable, and I'm pretty good at keeping my little secret under wraps.  I'll save you the drama, except to say that it's been one of those weeks (months), and more than a few people who may have previously thought I was pretty great, are now deliberately staying out of my way.

SO, to feel better I've spent this evening laughing my way through some pretty funny quotes pinned on pinterest.  It's nice to feel somewhat normal and realize that hormones are just women's hell on earth and hopefully we all understand enough to support one another without judgment or becoming offended when one of us loses it temporarily.  The good news is that this time my family made it through unscathed . . . I only offended everyone else I see on a daily basis.  Sigh.

That said, let's have some fun:

me (said in your best Bill Murray "Groundhog Day" voice) . . .

me . . .

me . . .

me . . . 

This ad campaign is too funny (our poor husbands) . . .

The cure??  No cure until menopause, but this is what I try to do to offset those insane hormones:

Evening Primrose WORKS, and my fault for not being consistent - I downed two pills tonight

This looked interesting, might give it a try

I absolutely refuse to try any medication to curb the effects of PMS and it's my own fault I've let it get a little out of control (always happens around holidays w/treats I can't resist).  This is my formula which is tried and true (straight from my most wonderful GYN who believes wholeheartedly on healing our body/mind naturally):

• Exercise, Exercise, Exercise - "mountain therapy" ALWAYS works for me (should have skied on Friday until waiting for the fresh snow Monday - sigh).  Choose what you love and make a point to get out and sweat, or even just walk around the block a few times.
• No caffeine, chocolate, excess salt or sugar (um, ya, fries, pizza, valentine's cookies . . . and what was I thinking purchasing TWO boxes of "Sweet's" orange sticks - sigh).  Loading up on a Diet Coke and chocolate is one of the worst things you can do - keep away from both, and even better if you can stay off soda and caffeine the rest of the month too.
• Evening Primrose, Vitamin B complex, and Vitamin D (in winter) . . . um, ya, been lazy and forgot.  When I am consistent with these vitamins it really helps and I can feel a difference.

and if all else fails . . .

Best of luck to all my PMSing friends.
May the force be with you (or at least some primrose oil and a glass of milk ;-).

why indie films?

Alright, I know I'm a complete movie snob . . . you know, the person behind you trying to stifle laughter while everyone else is sniffling at the end of War Horse because I can only take so much melodramatic, manipulative, Hollywood "if we make the music swell at just the right moment and add cheesy silhouettes against a bright, too perfect sunset, then you, the dumb audience will feel an emotion that probably didn't exist in the first place, but we'll make you feel it anyway."  Ugh.

I honestly can't walk into a theater and watch a drama created by the Hollywood machine, it's torturous (especially if it's an adaption of an already ridiculous Nicholas Sparks' novel - saw a dvd of one of those once - NEVER again).  However, if the film is something akin to a Mission Impossible or other 'suspend your disbelief' action flicks, or even a well written comedy, then yes, I'll go and enjoy the escape for a couple hours.

OK, off my soapbox and on to my point.  Indie films.  Independent films created by talented directors outside the mega studios using small budgets and lesser know actors.  Films that connect with the audience on a deeper level than studio movies because the emotions are REAL - not contrived, not predictable, and especially not manipulative.  That's why I love Sundance, and this year I would have to say my favorite film was the very low budget, but beautifully directed and emotionally raw I am not a Hipster.

The themes explored in this film are universal and I connected with every character on a level I didn't expect.  Of course it wasn't perfect and its flaws will be apparent to any discerning film critic, but it affected me deeply and touched my heart.  Without giving too much of the story away, it is a portrayal of a troubled soul - the internal struggle within the main character after he has disappointed everyone who is dear to him, and the unconditional love and forgiveness that sometimes are only found within the bonds of family and the best of friends.  There was absolutely nothing contrived in this film and its sincerity and genuine warmth was powerful. I am always thrilled when a director "gets it," when they understand so completely the very real human emotions of loneliness, estrangement, frustration, connections, and of course, love.  The film was also infused with moments of laugh-out-loud humor, tenderness, and amazing music.  I look forward to seeing it again and hope it gets picked up for wide release.  For another review, click here.

So, as the next Nicholas Sparks' "book made into a movie" makes its debut in theaters around the nation, check out the offerings at your local art house theater.  I guarantee you'll find a better story that will stay with you long after the credits roll.

I knew I would run into the director and cast of this film - it was that special - it made my whole week . . . and yes, Caroline was part of the magic too (only she had no idea why I was so excited to talk with these people ;-).

as of late

This poor, neglected blog.  I begin to feel the longing to write again, a gentle tug pulling me back into the world of writing.  Hopefully I still remember how to write, how to capture the moments and feelings that are so dear to me, even if they flit in and out of my mind so quickly and grasping them to put on paper almost seems an exercise in futility.

After dropping Caroline off at her friend's this evening and making my way back to Wasatch, I was greeted by one of our breathtaking sunsets . . . the entire eastern sky above Mt. Olympus was painted pink and the western sky blazed of winter rose and orange.  It was simply stunning, and true to form, I suddenly stopped the car in the middle of the street (making sure no one was behind me) and jumped out and took a picture with my phone, obviously not capturing the scenery as lovely as I saw it, but nonetheless a moment I needed to keep because it made me write again:

This evening's sunset reminded me of the brilliant "winter wonderland" I stumbled across a few weeks ago as Liza and I were heading up Big Cottonwood early on a Saturday morning for ski team.  As we approached the meadow just east of the Spruces we were greeted by a scene like no other . . . the trees, the ground, and every branch on every bush glistened in the morning sun like crystal.  It was simply one of the most beautiful sites I'd ever seen, so of course, I stopped and took another phone picture:

Here are another couple phone pics from the last week.  I suppose I take these pics when I'm at my happiest, when mother nature gives me an unexpected surprise, a gift, to remind me that life is good . . . all you have to do is take a moment and look around:

 getting out of the smog and taking the kids and friends sledding in BC

getting myself out of the inversion for a hike up and around the reservoir

Happy New Year's Eve!!  Who knew we'd be playing tennis outside on December 31st . . . while the big kids don't mind hitting the slopes, the little girls and Lucy thought it would be more fun to go to the park :-).

yosemite

"Everyone needs beauty as well as bread, 

places to play in and pray in, where nature 

may heal and cheer and give strength 

to the body and soul alike . . ."

John Muir

 Giant sequoias in Mariposa Grove

 1800 yr. old "Grizzly Giant"

 Yosemite Valley - beautiful morning for a hike . . .

off we go . . . straight up from the valley floor 3.8 miles/3300 ft. elevation gain

on our way to to the top of these granite walls

 getting closer

LOVED these trees 

we made it- time to SIT!

 aahhh, yes - taking in the views while eating lunch!

Minor freak-out from Chris as I walked out on this rock . . .

 this is as close to the edge as Chris would venture

 The river right before it heads over the cliff

 Yosemite Point - unbelievable, majestic, breathtaking - best views in the park!

 heading back down - the sun reflecting on Half Dome

 El Capitan . . . next trip we'll hike to the top and watch the rock climbers summit!

I don't think I'll ever be able to aptly express how I feel about Yosemite.  Obviously, I haven't visited all the national parks our country has to offer, but out of the parks I have been to, Yosemite is and probably always will be my favorite.  There is a spirit here that touches my spirit and rejuvenates my soul.  The place seems to me a living, breathing entity, which, like a person is constantly changing as the day progresses from early dawn, to bright afternoon, to dusk, to blackest of night.  We were privileged this trip to not only hike to the top of the tallest waterfall in North America, but descend by a full moon (thank goodness just the last 1/3 mile) and then witness that moon rise over half dome from the meadow and light up the impressive, towering granite face of El Capitan.  I will NEVER forget the view of Yosemite valley that night from "tunnel view" as we were departing the park and heading back to our hotel . . .

and hope to return to see it again.