happy valentine's 2013

charity never faileth

The tragedy in Connecticut has hit home for every person in the nation, if not throughout the world.  We are reminded to hold our kids tighter, to cherish our relationships, and never forget how fragile life can be.  There has also been a nonstop conversation regarding gun control, mental illness, and school security.  Everyone is seeking an answer of what drives someone to the point to commit such a senseless act of violence on the innocent.  My heart is aching tonight and my thoughts have been turned to the young man who took the lives of these children.  His life must have been one of desperation.  The pictures that I've seen of this boy are seered in my mind and I honestly can't help but wonder how his life events and relationships played out.  I imagine a tragic life without any sense of self worth, validation, appreciation, or love that is so crucial to every person's emotional development and well being.

A mantra that I repeat often to my children, my young women, and anyone willing to listen is this:

"When someone hurts you, it's because they aren't feeling love or they are filled with fear. People won't hurt other people when they feel noticed, appreciated, included, and safe."

The debate about why people do such awful things can begin with a deep look inside each of us and what steps we take each day to reach out and connect on a personal level with others.

To conquer bullying and encourage more respect and positive relationships, my girls' elementary school has begun a "fill someone's bucket today" initiative (the impetus which was this fabulous book).  The purpose is to instill lifelong habits in our children which build others, "fill" their emotional buckets, and make everyone feel like they have a friend.

Our world is becoming increasingly disconnected and a few minutes sending tweets and reading facebook posts will not equate the essential connection one feels within personal one-on-one interactions.  The friendships that I strengthen through phone calls and face time are the ones that currently bless my life.  The others pale in comparison . . . that is until we make personal contact again. It's truly amazing how quickly we are emotionally filled by the encouragement and connection with someone when it is done personally.

This is where my thoughts have been the past couple of days, and rather than engage in a contentious gun control debate or throw something at the tv when analysts begin discussing this "monster," I will choose to focus on making myself a better person and teaching my children to have confidence to reach out others.

I was dismayed that my sister called me out in a public social forum within hours of this tragedy on our choice to own a gun and demanded I answer her questions about gun violence. After answering her initial question with some of the reactionary gene that is imbedded in my psyche, I finalized the debate with this response:

I will end the conversation with this thought: I am not on trial here for my beliefs or values. If you and Bryan would like a civil discourse with Chris and me about this issue we would be happy to engage. Please take me out of this discussion, especially when our family is more focused and concerned at this time for the welfare and support of the families and loved ones of all those connected with this tragedy. My heart is breaking for everyone involved, and the conversation we are having with our children is that we continue to watch for the lonely, the misfits, and those who so desperately need to feel love and appreciation in this increasingly disconnected world. I don't know what the answer is, but for us, we choose to focus on love and awareness of those struggling with mental/emotional illness and those who so desperately need to feel validation and connection with others. That is one thing the government cannot solve. There are too many emotionally empty people in the world and my family will be doing our part to strengthen those in need rather than debate gun control in a public forum with you.

My prayer is that we come together during this difficult time in a spirit of compassion, understanding and love as we search for answers . . .

And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

  But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found  possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

  Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail.

  Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.

Moroni 7:45-48, The Book of Mormon

this christmas . . .

This Christmas, mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in word and deed. Keep a promise. Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child.
Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. 

Speak your love and then speak it again.

President Howard W. Hunter

welcome baby owen

While we were away, my brother Travis and his beautiful girlfriend Kristie welcomed this little bundle of perfection into the world.  The girls were dying to to get home and hold our new little cousin.  He is absolutely adorable and we all agree one of the cutest newborns we've ever laid eyes on.  So, without further adieu, we introduce . . .

Owen Terry Howick

October 18, 2011

9:45 am

7 lbs. 12 oz.

20 inches

Some pics from our Sunday afternoon visit:

Owen, you are SO loved!!

well said

Invisible to the Eye

Some problems are more obvious than others. When someone is clearly struggling, we are usually quite empathetic. We see them limp through life, and most of us readily help in any way we can. We may even make great personal sacrifices to ease their burdens.

Other times, however, the afflictions people endure might be completely invisible to the eye. Some struggles are silent; some burdens are carried privately. It may be an unhealthy relationship, a personal financial crisis, or physical or emotional pain. Whatever the ailments, these silent sufferers may smile and seem to be all right, but inside they are barely holding on—and doing so alone.

Perhaps we could be more observant. Maybe we should notice when hands clench with pain, when eyes glaze over with disappointment, or when cheeks are flush with embarrassment. Along with such subtle signs, we could pay attention to those quiet feelings in our heart urging us to help, even when others haven’t asked for help.

One woman recalls how a friend noticed that she had started hanging laundry on the banister inside her home. She never told her friend that her clothes dryer was broken; she did not want to explain that she did not have money enough to repair or replace it. But this observant and kind-hearted friend paid for a repairman to fix her dryer. As much as the woman was grateful to have a dryer, she felt even more grateful to have a friend who cared enough to look beneath the surface of her life.

Opportunities to help surround us, but they rarely come with engraved invitations. More often, they come with a gentle nudging in the heart, an intangible sense that we can help. As Saint-Exupéry’s little prince wisely observed: "The eyes are blind. One must look with the heart.”

I remember listening to this inspiring message last Sunday morning before the first conference session began and thought I would share (thank you Lyn for recording these messages on your blog every week).  While listening, I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes:

"Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

Plato & oft quoted saying of Marjorie Hinckley

How true.  It is amazing how much a little kindness, love, respect, patience and encouragement means to someone who is struggling.  Even a smile goes a long way. So SMILE this week and look for opportunities to brighten someone's day :-).

Happy Valentine's Day

In love, there are no conditions; you love for no reason,

 with no justification. You are free to be what you are, 

and you allow others to be what they are.

- Don Miguel Ruiz -

I wanted to post something today and of course, I will be stealing this one from my friend Joan, who without fail always posts the most inspiring quotes on facebook. Thanks Joan for yet another beautiful, and oh, so true sentiment.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day filled with love, warmth, and plenty of hugs & kisses . . . . mmmwah!

One of my favorite quotes . . .

Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet.

Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped.

Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us.

Charity is expecting the best of each other.

~ Marvin J. Ashton ~

For the entire talk - well worth reading, click here.

Happy Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's today and my love showed up in St. George to surprise us!!  Of course, I couldn't think of a better way to spend the day than with my sweetheart, especially when I thought we would be spending the day apart.  It's even better that it's in sunny St. George away from the dreary cold up north.  The girls and I left Thursday afternoon for Caroline's tennis tournament (her first match was Friday morning) and Chris was just too busy to join us, so he and Ryan stayed home (for Ryan, it was the fresh snow that kept him home).  Then Chris woke up this morning missing us and the SUN, so the guys left the house at 7am and found us in t-shirts and tennis skirts on the court.  We were all SO excited!!

So, In celebration of this "day of love," I'd like to share a favorite quote of mine.  It's from the movie, Captain Corelli's Mandolin (which I haven't seen, but must be fairly decent if it includes this quote :-).  I think it's a beautiful metaphor of the true meaning of deep, satisfying, and enduring love . . .

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

~St. Augustine~

Need a smile?

Chris sent this to me today and it's just one of those things that makes you grin ear to ear (he knows I'm a sucker for anything sweet and romantic) - enjoy!

I liked this . . .

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

~ Henri Nouwen

I happened to find myself in the doctor's office this afternoon (no worries - allergies), and found this quote in a magazine. It spoke to me, so I thought I would share.

a thought for today

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

~ Mother Teresa