preparing for the inevitable

OK, here goes.  It's been an exciting week of college notifications, friends receiving mission calls, preparation for graduation and senior trip.  I'm just ripe for another sentimental post about my child growing up and preparing to leave the nest.

But instead of reading my ramblings, I'll share some thoughts from an insightful author who just "gets it" and has the uncanny brilliance and ability to put my feelings into these touching words.  Thank you Katrina Kenison for your wisdom in finding the beauty of my very own "ordinary days."

Get a tissue . . .

life, purpose, and a prayer

It's been so long since I've written anything remotely meaningful, and as I was taking a few minutes this evening to scan the blog, I realized how many events, memories, and small moments that have been forgotten, but thankfully are immortalized on this little digital memory keeper.  Unfortunately, the past year my personal journal writing and the blog have both suffered greatly.  As much as I tell myself I will be better, can't promise anything, but for tonight, the urge to write without an attempt to catch up on family events, post pictures, inspirational quotes, or humorous anecdotes is strong and I should follow the simple nudge to write a few musings . . .

Friday evening Ryan received word that he had been accepted to BYU and called us immediately to share the news.  After celebrating on the phone, Chris looked at me and said, "well, it's really happening now, we've done our job and he's prepared - nice work."  Ryan is still waiting to hear back from three other schools before making a final decision and I'm making every effort to make these last 6 months at home as meaningful as possible.  There will truly be an emptiness in our home when Ryan leaves.  I'll have to devote an entire post to "the things I'll miss the most when Ryan is gone," but for now, I'm cherishing our time together, especially our late night chats when we have a few minutes to connect after everyone else is in bed.

Life is transitory.  Everything is in motion, shifting, changing.  Little Elizabeth is literally transforming before my eyes, each day shedding her little girl appearance and gradually morphing into an almost pre-teen.  Sigh.

The other night, around midnight after another snow storm had left it's mark with another foot of snow, I stepped outside for a short walk.  It's been awhile since I made my way into that unique peaceful silence, reserved especially for nights like this.  Although it's been a long winter, with no end of the cold, snow, and dreary days in sight; breathing that sharp, clean air into my lungs and listening to the soft crunch of snow under my boots while looking up at the brilliant, clear winter sky was transformative.  Instead of complaining about this winter (for about 10 minutes ;), I was grateful for a moment in time when everything seemed perfect, yet transitory.  Realizing that the next day, if I were to step outside at the same time, I could not recreate that moment.  It wouldn't be the same. The snow would have time to settle, the air would be a different temperature, my boots wouldn't make fresh tracks, and the delicate ice crystals floating in the black sky would be nonexistent, and therefore, the rush of gratitude and happiness most likely would not take place.

Why do I muse about such moments in time?  I suppose it's because while I was out connecting with winter and appreciating a small gift, my mind drifted to the constant shifting and changing within our own lives.  Living a purposeful life requires adjustment to these changes without clinging to a version of how things used to be, or worse, an unrealistic expectation of how we think life should be now or in the future.  I guess that's why embracing the transitory nature of all things, especially relationships, is essential.  It's complex, but we change, the people around us change, and realizing the great potential in each transition is truly beautiful.

So, my life is in a flux of transition right now.  Ryan's preparing to spread his wings and leave the nest, Caroline is anxiously awaiting her 16th birthday and drivers license, Sophie will be turning 12 soon and entering the young women's program, and Liza Lou is bound and determined at almost nine to be the most independent of them all.  I am adjusting to the needs and demands of my little flock daily, and realize that without prayer, I am not as compassionate, patient, or adaptable.  It's that simple.  Prayer keeps me strong, helps me gain insights and wisdom I know I couldn't glean on my own, and gives me the quiet assurance that everything will work out, it always does.

cheers

A few days ago while on an early morning walk with Lucy, I couldn't stop thinking about all the people who, each day, make my life that much better.  You know, those friends/acquaintances/strangers who take a moment to ask about your day, who go out of their way to accommodate your schedule, or just greet you with a friendly "hello, how's your day?"  People you just want to raise a glass and say, "cheers to you for making my life that much sweeter."

Before I knew it, a formidable list was growing and my heart was filled with gratitude for these random people who had brightened my days that week.  Something begins to happen when we recognize even the simplest of gestures and make a mental note of appreciation - suddenly our lives are FILLED with these moments of other people reaching out to us and our families without even realizing that they are making a difference . . .

Cheers to people who:

• Take time out of their busy lives to come to support my children's activities, and those who sent texts and called to check in (thanks Bishop Wipperman, the Moultons, Travis & Owen, Preston, and all the Skyline kids for coming to Caroline's state tournament and cheering her on).

• Rearrange a full morning schedule so that the girls and I can all get dental work done at the same time (thanks Dr. Boyden's staff).

• Mention my son with heartfelt thanks for the example he is to her young son during testimony meeting (thanks Kim).

• Welcome my girls and I with a hearty "hello" and friendly "how are you cute girls" when we stop in for breakfast at his cafe (thanks outgoing Hagermann Bakery guy).

• Pick up my girls from school and drive them to swim/tennis lessons - even greeting them with snacks and their gear - so I can be with Caroline during last week's tennis tourney (thanks Kathy).

• Meet the seminary council at 6am on a late start day to accompany them to the temple to do baptisms, then teach a full day of classes (thanks Brother Shields).

• Put in hours of extra time to help her 3rd grade students achieve their fullest potential . . . all with a smile (thanks Ms. Merrill).

• Greet a reticent Sophie at the beginning of a birthday party with so many unfamiliar faces, with a "SOPHIE - I've missed you - I'm so glad you're here!"  (Thanks cute Abbie).

• Leave a kind note and treats on the door for Caroline when she returns home after a tough loss in the semifinals (thanks Kim).

• Never fail to have at least one of my daughters over at their home for extended periods of time every weekend (thanks Denice).

• Host the teenagers on weekends and don't mind their homes filled with to the brim with all their kids' friends (thanks Jodelle, Renee, and Lesly).

• Are consistently kind, reaffirming, and complimentary, so that every interaction leaves you feeling uplifted and ready to tackle anything life may bring (thanks Ann and every one of my close friends :).

I'm sure I left out plenty more who deserve a shout out, because during my walk they just kept flowing into my head (this is what happens when I let too much time pass), but I think I covered most of those who made my life better last week just by being the amazing people they are.  Truly, our lives are brimming with people who are there to make it better - all you have to do is open your eyes.

CHEERS!

thoughts from novelist/philosopher Paul Coelho

"But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them.  But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for."

"Waiting is painful.  Forgetting is painful.  But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering."

"We can never judge the lives of others, because each person only knows their own kind of pain and renunciation.  It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path."

"When you want something, 

all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it."

freak.

a couple days ago while checking out at Costco, I happened to notice this . . .

First off, weren't the early 90's like yesterday?  And how in the world did the children born just a few years ago suddenly become legal??  And why is it when I read a news article and a 40-something "person of interest" is mentioned, I imagine that someone the same age as my parents?? (because you know that anyone over 40 is the same age as my parents ;-).  And why won't I just come clean and admit that I've graduated from "young mom" to "old mom"?

Maybe this will put everything into perspective . . .

Oh, and it doesn't help matters much when Chris really DID graduate from high school in the early 80's (1983), and is now officially closer to 50 than 40.  Um, ya, isn't that like, "grandparent" status age?

WHAAAA!!!

simple rules to live by . . .

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

No one can go back and make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. 

When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means. There's a purpose to life's events, to teach you something you need to learn. 

You can't make someone love you. All you can do is to be someone who can be loved. 

It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride. 

We spend too much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give. 

Never abandon an old friend. You will never find one who can take his or her place. Friendship is like wine; it gets better as it grows older.

Many thanks to my friend Lyn for letting me swipe this awesome post from her blog!

farewell to a genius

reflecting on 20 years

September 21, 1991

I really can't believe we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary earlier this week.  I remember my PARENTS' 20th anniversary when I was in Jr. High and they seemed so OLD.  Honestly, how did this milestone creep up on us so quickly?  As alarming as hitting 20 years together seems, it's also been a sweet reminder of the things that have kept us together all these years and how we've grown, both individually and collectively.  We've reminisced about everything from the excitement of meeting one another and dating, to the realization that we've actually put up with one another for this long ;-).

Of course, we have had highs and lows like every other marriage . . . we've struggled, we've done stupid things, we've hurt one another, we've said things we regret, we've felt unsupported, unappreciated, and misunderstood, we've yelled and slammed doors, we've cried together, we've forgiven, we've learned from our mistakes, and we've stayed up all night working things out . . . we've also created countless memories, laughed so hard it hurts, shared some unbelievable experiences and adventures, nurtured our faith and testimonies in the gospel, raised our children with unflinching honesty, and become closer with each passing year.  Through it all, we've realized that we are two firstborn stubborn, opinionated, passionate people who care deeply about each other and couldn't get along without the other.

I don't know what I would do without Chris.  We both agree that we would be lost souls if one of us were gone.  What we've realized in the years since our wedding day, is that our marriage is anything but "perfect" - it requires vigilance and constant nurturing, understanding, and communication.  However, it also has become one of my richest blessings as I continue to develop greater patience, humility, empathy, and charity for my family members as well as others.

Some say "soul mates" don't exist, that it's just a matter of luck or timing.  But I believe they do. I truly believe that I could only learn some of the most important lessons for my personal growth here in mortality through my relationship with Chris. We were meant to find each other 21 years ago, in circumstances that every year seem more than coincidental. It wasn't a chance meeting, but truly a soul connection that brought us together, and the longer we live and grow together, the more I believe that is true. It seems everyone is searching for some sort of "soul connection" these days because it's my most popular post, receiving several hits each day.  After some digging I found the quote in its entirety.  It's simply exquisite . . . and oh, so true:

"A soul connection is a resonance between two people who respond to the essential beauty of each other's individual natures, behind their facades, and who connect on this deeper level. This kind of mutual recognition provides the catalyst for a potent alchemy. It is a sacred alliance whose purpose is to help both partners discover and realize their deepest potentials. While a heart connection lets us appreciate those we love just as they are, a soul connection opens up a further dimension -- seeing and loving them for who they could be, and for who we could become under their influence. This means recognizing that we both have an important part to play in helping each other become more fully who we are....A soul connection not only inspires us to expand, but also forces us to confront whatever stands in the way of that expansion." 

John Welwood

So, thank you Chris for helping me realize my potential, for inspiring me to expand my heart to degrees I didn't think it was possible to stretch, and for the years of love, laughter, and understanding.

Anniversary dinner at Log Haven, then off to a remarkable contemporary musical ("Next to Normal") at Pioneer Theater.

(for a few more pics of our wedding day, click here)

a thought

Thought for the day

"Keep high aspirations, moderate expectations,
and small needs."

William Howard Stein

Dreaming of SPRING

Please, please come soon.

After my day yesterday of yearning for the dreary weather to make it's gradual change to blossoms and blue skies and green, I was gently reminded today to stay in the present and not rush what "is."  Yesterday morning I found myself thrown into that unsettling emotional state of "freak, I can't handle yet another day without the sun."  By noon I was purchasing bright white vases, faux blossoms, lilacs, and hydrangeas, along with a live topiary and giant bouquet of beautiful fresh flowers.  I came home and placed flowers on bookcases and countertops, then completed the makeover with a few rosy Valentine's decorations.  Ahhh, it's amazing how flowers and the color pink can make you feel :-).

So, as karma would have it, today while sitting in the ski lodge watching Liza zip up and down the hill, I came across this insightful passage in the book I am currently savoring . . .

"We are stuck in the gray, boggy season that follows winter but is, in anyone's book, a far cry from spring.  It is a season that demands forbearance, for beauty is hard to find.  The frozen purity of winter is a memory, spring is a dream. . . . 

We are suspended between seasons, like becalmed sailors waiting for wind.  It used to be that these cold, patchy-snow weeks of in-between time would fill me with discontent, so eager was I for spring, for the warmth of the sun and the turn of the season, for good footing and new, green life.  For whatever might be next.  But on this damp, wind-tossed afternoon, what I feel is not my old restless yearning for something else, but a new, unfamiliar patience.  Why rush the passing of time?  Why long for a future that can't be foretold, only to miss the muddy magnificence of now?"  (pg. 282 & 285)

Well said, dear author.  Thanks again for the reminder not to rush my days and to live in the ever magnificent present.

and so it is with life . . .

"You learn much more from a flop than a hit, because it's hard to learn anything when everyone is praising you to the skies on those opening nights when everything is going well."

~ Oscar Hammerstein (1895-1960) ~

I heard this quoted the other day while listening to a story on NPR about the life of Oscar Hammerstein.  It grabbed my attention because I thought, "that is so true . . . I learn much more about myself when I really screw things up and someone witnesses me at my worst, but then with patience and forgiveness, allows me to grow from the experience."

It is wonderful when others appreciate and adore you because they always see you at your best, but it's truly something when those you've let down still love you despite your weaknesses and shortcomings.  I know my life is filled with fabulous "opening nights" as well as many "flops" and I'm so grateful for an audience that still appreciates and supports my occasional flawed performance :-).

I have a hard time with this . . .

It's appropriately named "Black Friday."

The thought of our rampant consumerism today truly made me nauseous.  Seriously, my stomach was in knots this morning as I drove past Wal-mart and saw the parking lot filled with cars and people filtering out of the store with armloads of electronics and unnecessary plastic objects for their children.  It's a feeling I've had for some time now, just a sickening "bleah" in the pit of my stomach as we approach the holidays.

I've found myself these past few weeks becoming more and more frustrated with what appears to be every American's right to consume, consume, consume.  From the insanity surrounding the latest "In and Out Burger," to the lines that begin at 3am in front of the local "Target" store,  even to the outrageous Christmas displays and home decor people give so much of their time, energy, and money.

Maybe it was spending time in India, maybe it was being closely associated with my friend's humanitarian efforts in Africa, or maybe just realizing that enough is enough.  Whatever it is, I've become quite disillusioned with how the majority of the populace never seemed satisfied, never can get enough of what they don't need, and continue their neverending quest for more "stuff."

How many Americans even think that somewhere on the planet where discounts, knick-knacks, and superstores don't exist, the greatest luxury is to have clean water, protective shelter, and nutrient rich food.  I struggle with this, and today it really got to me, but it did turn into a teaching moment for the children as we drove past that parking lot - a moment to talk about "needs" and "wants" and how much do we really "need" to live happy and fulfilling lives.

It's not much - family, home, good friends, service, the Gospel, memories, time, neighbors, goodness, love.

These items will never be found on "Black Friday."

U2

Baby slow down
The end is not as fun as the start
Please stay a child somewhere in your heart . . .

To touch is to heal

To hurt is to steal,
If you wanna kiss the sky
Better learn how to kneel.

U2.   The music, the lyrics, the passion, the intensity.
Bono, The Edge, Larry Mullen Jr., Adam Clayton.
The concert. 10.23.09.  Moving, inspiring, intense, beautiful, spiritual.

OK, I know, I sound like I'm to the point of worship, which I am.  Besides Jackson Browne, there are very few artists who touch my soul as deeply as U2.  Last month we took Ryan and Caroline to the concert of a lifetime - U2 360.  It was unbelievable, and Ryan especially was completely engrossed watching the band perform.  It was an evening we will never forget.

For me, U2 was the soundtrack of my adolesence, soundtrack of those days of complete freedom and innocence.  I still remember listening to the band for the first time 25 years ago when Steve Lund brought their album "The Unforgettable Fire" to a party when we were in 8th or 9th grade.  It was U2 playing in the background that same night when I experienced my first awkward kiss, it was U2's "Joshua Tree" cassette that I about wore out during those high school and college years, and it was the unique sound of The Edge's guitars, the tambourines, harmonica, Mullen's drums, and especially Bono's distinct voice and piercing lyrics, that kept me entranced all those years.

Unfortuately, after marriage, growing up, and completely immersing myself in motherhood, without realizing it, I had gradually replaced all my music with nonstop Kindermusik, "Wee Sing," Disney, Raffi, showtunes, and of course classical (keep those brains cells connecting :-).  I couldn't have been happier . . . really, I was in my element as a young mother . . . singing along with my kids, "clap, clap, clap hello, clap hello together . . "  However, without realizing it, I think I was losing an integral part of myself.  By the time Ryan was ten, I honestly couldn't tell you when I last listened to U2, or even the RADIO for that matter.  If it was more intense than the muppets, I probably hadn't tuned in.

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile . . .

Then, about four years ago during a particularly difficult time in my life, I was reminded of my forgotten passion for music.  We had just received an i-pod for Christmas and I had no interest really.  One night I decided it was time to give it a try, so after figuring out how to use the gadget, I found U2 . . . and began listening to Joshua Tree, track 5.  Alone in the dark, kids in bed, I lay back on the sofa, closed my eyes, and found myself again.  It was Bono's voice, then his unique "oooohhh" that brought the tears, seriously, the flood gates opened, I'll never forget it.

And so she woke up
Woke up from where she was lying still
Said I gotta do something about where we're going . . .

That night I felt renewed, felt like I finally found that had piece that had been missing, and I started to listing to MY music again.  I knew Chris loved U2 as much as I did, and realized he had all their amazing music right there on the i-pod . . . THREE new albums since "Joshua Tree" - sweet!  For months after that experience, I felt like a kid in a candy store, rediscovering my favorite music and listening to new music for the first time - yes, I even had to locate what radio stations were playing what types of music, 89.1 was about it for me.

The best part of this experience, is that my children who once clapped their hands and sang along with Raffi are now arguing in the backseat while U2's "Beautiful Day" plays if Bono and crew really did perform that song or not in the concert:  Ryan - "they did NOT play this" . . . Caroline - "YES, they did - I remember, right after 'In God's Country!"  Ryan - "are you sure??"  Caroline - "I'm sure, check the setlist."  That kind of a conversation just makes my heart happy, almost as much as listening to Ryan play "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" and "Vertigo" on his electric guitar . . . and just about as happy as going to see them again in Denver on June 12th :-).

And if the night runs over

And if the day won't last

And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It's just a moment

This time will pass . . .

Honest answer

Sophie, always the one to ask whatever is on her mind, while watching me prepare Sunday dinner today, looked directly at me and thoughtfully asked, "is it hard being a mom?" I didn't even think before realizing how brutally honest my answer sounded. "No, not at all, I love being a mom . . . it's harder being a wife." Her eyes flashed instant understanding and she responded, "ahhh, ya, that makes sense," and skipped off with the knowledge that she's loved and even if things sometimes aren't perfect, it's not because I don't love her or the fact that I'm a mom.

I'm not sure if I should have blurted out such a statement to my 8-year old, but I'm thinking it's alright, that our children need to feel confident in my feelings towards them, my feelings about motherhood, and even sometimes embracing those honest moments to let them know that marriage is hard work and when they feel a little tension, they can feel assured that it's not them.

Renewed

I went for a walk this evening with Caroline . . . this is what we saw, truly one of the most beautiful sunsets EVER. I'm renewed, refreshed, and strengthened. What is it about a breathtaking sunset, a walk through the neighborhood on a cool summer's evening, a conversation with a 12-year old, and coming home to mountains and stars that is so invigorating? I'm not exactly sure, but decided it needs to happen more often :-).

"Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts."

~ Rachel Carsen ~

The Light

The quote I posted yesterday is one I try to remember daily. It's a quote that was at the center of a talk I gave a last week in a combined Young Women / Relief Society meeting down in Provo, and one that woman and men of our faith should keep close to their heart.

I was asked to speak on Modesty. Easy enough, but the more I pondered this topic, I came to the conclusion that modesty comprises much, much more than our dress. It's a lifestyle, it's at the core of our attitudes, our behavior, and especially our relationships with others and God. Truly it's the center of our character, as every one of us strives to live virtuous lives in a world that has increasingly become closer and closer to pornographic.

Before the meeting began I was enthusiastically greeting many old friends and neighbors from my old ward, and even bantering with some of the men that they weren't missing out on anything, since my topic of modesty wasn't for them. However, after wrapping up what turned out to be an amazing experience with the women of the ward, I thought it would have been nice to have the men there as well. My focus was not "what to wear or not to wear," we know what is appropriate, but rather how our actions, dress, and language reflect what is truly in our heart. Does our outward behavior reflect our inner beliefs - our commitment to always remember the Lord? Do the things we surround ourselves with daily reflect an attitude of "modesty" . . . not just in dress, but also music, internet use (including i-phone apps), television programs, our choice of language (not just swearing, but crude or inappropriate), and especially our accepting attitudes towards immodest dress and behavior.

After a lovely conference weekend I felt I would share what, right now has been on my mind. I've always expected the best of people, especially myself. I know at times I fall short, but after sharing my thoughts on modesty last week, I walked away with more determination to watch myself more carefully and be that light spoken of by Neal A. Maxwell. We cannot be that light unless we strive each day to remove ourselves from what has become acceptable behavior in the world.

I'll end with a quote from my talk by Robert D. Hales: “Modesty is at the center of being pure and chaste, both in thought and deed. Thus, because it guides and influences our thoughts, behavior, and decisions, modesty is at the core of our character.”

I am . . .

I know, I've been a horrible blogger this month. I have pictures from Christmas to post, New Year's resolutions to discuss, and of course the daily happenings of our changing lives. For now, it's just overwhelming and I'll get around to the pictures, but for tonight I just felt the need to write something, so I figured I'll do a tag. I've been tagged three times and haven't followed through, so I'll just do this one and call it good.

I am

I am... a mother, wife, friend, daughter, aunt, niece, cousin . . . .
I think... too much, always planning.
I want... my children to stay young forever.
I have... an opinion about everything - just ask.
I miss... my close friends.
I fear... losing those that are dearest to me.
I feel... too deeply - I'm passionate about many things.
I hear... nothing - the peace of evening when I'm alone.
I smell... the chocolate chip cookies Caroline baked tonight.
I crave... fresh air, blue skies, and the sound of rushing water.
I cry... when I feel someone's pain.
I search... everyday for something I've misplaced!
I wonder... what my childrens' futures hold.
I regret... the things I've said or done on impulse, without really thinking before acting.
I wish... for simplicity.
I love... to stay active, busy, and on the run.
I care... about my relationships, my health, and my spirituality.
I always... smile and laugh.
I worry... that I don't worry enough!
I am not... a great time manager or organizer.
I remember... EVERYTHING - dang this memory of mine.
I believe... in my husband.
I sing... ALL the time - I love music.
I don't always... have patience.
I argue... when I feel misunderstood.
I lose... myself sometimes.
I listen... and try my darnest not to interrupt - major flaw of mine.
I can usually be found... in the car, on the court, in the mountains, or with the kids.
I need... more hours during the day.
I forget... pain and heartache - almost too quickly.
I am happy... when I can make those around me happy :-).

6. Our Health

Good health . . . something we think about occasionally, and are most definitely grateful for when we are sick and stuck in bed, or when a friend or loved one loses their health due to a long term illness or suffers from injuries related to a serious accident. On Saturday I was reminded of not only how blessed I am for a healthy body and mind, but how the rest of our family enjoys those same blessings. Really, when you think about exactly how many things can possibly go wrong from conception to making it to almost 40, it's quite remarkable. So, after dropping Caroline off at tennis, then quickly driving over for Ryan's hockey game where I can get some mileage on the treadmill while I watch (at the SL sports complex you can cheer for the hockey team while working out - BRILLIANT!), I began thinking about our active family and thought I would share a humbling experience I had years ago that taught me a beautiful lesson on gratitude.

Ryan was just about 3 or 4 years old and beginning his first adventures in athletics . . . soccer. He was the smallest kid on the team and by far the slowest. He was darling, but really hadn't figured out how to use those little legs to his full advantage, so the coach decided to let him play goalie so he wouldn't get so discouraged when he couldn't keep up with the other kids. OK, this is my first son . . . my future baseball star . . . and he is showing absolutely no aptitude for sports! I have to admit that I became discouraged myself and started to compare him to the other kids on the field and wondering if my son would ever play as great as my friends' little boys, would he ever be the star who scores the goals or is he going to be that poor kid no one wants on their team?

One evening during that soccer season I had an experience I will never forget. I was watching the news while folding laundry and a one of those "special interest" stories began. It was about a father whose son's physical handicaps prevented him from participating much in daily life, let alone any sports, and how this little boy desperately longed to be with the other kids. So, his father put him on a soccer team and would go out during the games and push him up and down the field in his wheelchair just so he could feel the wind on his face and see the other children run beside him - truly feel part of the game. I felt a complete sense of ingratitude while watching this touching story unfold and I will never forget the lesson in humility I learned that evening. I immediately changed my thinking and looked at Ryan, and now all of my children as the wonders they are, at the healthy, beautiful bodies they were given that can take on every active pursuit they desire.

At that very moment I told myself I will never compare what my children can or can't do with other children. There will always be someone who is faster, stronger, or more athletic than them, and because they CAN move and their bodies work, they are able to enjoy life and all it offers - for that I am profoundly grateful. Occasionally when I watch my daughter play a tennis match or Ryan during a mean lacrosse game (his speed has increased dramatically since he was four :-), instead of focusing on their progress or the score, I think of that little boy in his wheelchair and am reminded of the miracle of my children and our health.

Am I insane . . .

to send my kids back to schools WITHOUT air conditioning systems when the temperature will reach 99 on Monday?? If it were any other day but the first day of school (which they are looking forward to purely for social reasons) I would refuse to take them until the temperatures dropped. After spending just a half-hour sweltering in Sophie's classroom at back to school night, I can't imagine what all day is going to be like for these kids. Why do I send them to sit for hours in a stuffy, hot, cramped classroom with 25-30 other students conforming to the state mandated curriculum? I'm not sure, except to say that it would only be an matter of hours before they sent me to the nut house if I attempted home school :-).