new blog for our elder

Alright, I finally got a blog up and going for Ryan, so all his mission letters and pictures will be on this site:

www.eldercantera.blogspot.com

I will need to make his blog PRIVATE by the beginning of December, so if you are interested in continuing to read about his experiences in Ukraine, please put your E-MAIL ADDRESS in the comments after his posts and I will add you to the list.

Thanks for reading - we are missing our boy, but couldn't be happier about his decision to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

life, purpose, and a prayer

It's been so long since I've written anything remotely meaningful, and as I was taking a few minutes this evening to scan the blog, I realized how many events, memories, and small moments that have been forgotten, but thankfully are immortalized on this little digital memory keeper.  Unfortunately, the past year my personal journal writing and the blog have both suffered greatly.  As much as I tell myself I will be better, can't promise anything, but for tonight, the urge to write without an attempt to catch up on family events, post pictures, inspirational quotes, or humorous anecdotes is strong and I should follow the simple nudge to write a few musings . . .

Friday evening Ryan received word that he had been accepted to BYU and called us immediately to share the news.  After celebrating on the phone, Chris looked at me and said, "well, it's really happening now, we've done our job and he's prepared - nice work."  Ryan is still waiting to hear back from three other schools before making a final decision and I'm making every effort to make these last 6 months at home as meaningful as possible.  There will truly be an emptiness in our home when Ryan leaves.  I'll have to devote an entire post to "the things I'll miss the most when Ryan is gone," but for now, I'm cherishing our time together, especially our late night chats when we have a few minutes to connect after everyone else is in bed.

Life is transitory.  Everything is in motion, shifting, changing.  Little Elizabeth is literally transforming before my eyes, each day shedding her little girl appearance and gradually morphing into an almost pre-teen.  Sigh.

The other night, around midnight after another snow storm had left it's mark with another foot of snow, I stepped outside for a short walk.  It's been awhile since I made my way into that unique peaceful silence, reserved especially for nights like this.  Although it's been a long winter, with no end of the cold, snow, and dreary days in sight; breathing that sharp, clean air into my lungs and listening to the soft crunch of snow under my boots while looking up at the brilliant, clear winter sky was transformative.  Instead of complaining about this winter (for about 10 minutes ;), I was grateful for a moment in time when everything seemed perfect, yet transitory.  Realizing that the next day, if I were to step outside at the same time, I could not recreate that moment.  It wouldn't be the same. The snow would have time to settle, the air would be a different temperature, my boots wouldn't make fresh tracks, and the delicate ice crystals floating in the black sky would be nonexistent, and therefore, the rush of gratitude and happiness most likely would not take place.

Why do I muse about such moments in time?  I suppose it's because while I was out connecting with winter and appreciating a small gift, my mind drifted to the constant shifting and changing within our own lives.  Living a purposeful life requires adjustment to these changes without clinging to a version of how things used to be, or worse, an unrealistic expectation of how we think life should be now or in the future.  I guess that's why embracing the transitory nature of all things, especially relationships, is essential.  It's complex, but we change, the people around us change, and realizing the great potential in each transition is truly beautiful.

So, my life is in a flux of transition right now.  Ryan's preparing to spread his wings and leave the nest, Caroline is anxiously awaiting her 16th birthday and drivers license, Sophie will be turning 12 soon and entering the young women's program, and Liza Lou is bound and determined at almost nine to be the most independent of them all.  I am adjusting to the needs and demands of my little flock daily, and realize that without prayer, I am not as compassionate, patient, or adaptable.  It's that simple.  Prayer keeps me strong, helps me gain insights and wisdom I know I couldn't glean on my own, and gives me the quiet assurance that everything will work out, it always does.

happy valentine's 2013

year in review: april & may 2012

{ April }

I actually did cover a lot of April on the blog, but missed a few important events (i.e. Ryan's birthday) . . .

April began with a quick trip to St. George for spring break - 

a little chilly, but a much needed welcome break from our day to day routine!

Sophie meeting the author of The False Prince, Jennifer Nielsen at her book launch.  Jennifer and I grew up together and Sophie was thrilled to meet her and get her book signed.

Ryan's Birthday:

RYAN'S 17TH BIRTHDAY

His best friends came over (early) and surprised Ryan (in his bed) and stayed for breakfast.  Meet Ryan's friends: Maddie P., Stu B., Maddy H., Julie T., and Sean S.  (I adore these kids and Ryan is so blessed to be surrounded by such great friends).  Having everyone over was a great way to start the morning, and I'm feeling like a bit of a slacker mom since these are pretty much the only pictures I have from his 17th.  Hopefully we'll be better for his 18th in a few months.

{ May }
Liza's baptism, Mother's Day, the last month of school & activities, Caroline's 15th birthday, SPRING . . .

Forgive the orientation - I couldn't fix this, but just HAVE to post Liza's sweet ode to spring: 

composed May 2012 (2nd grade).

Liza's Baptism:

My attempt to capture just the right picture for Liza's baptism invitations 

(she was very patient with my very amateur photography skills).

Everyone gathering at the house before heading over for Liza's baptism (Grandma with the girls and cousin Owen).  May 12, 2012.

Liza was so excited for her special day, and it was a beautiful baptism and confirmation by Chris.  Ryan and Caroline gave the talks and we were all a little emotional watching our little Liza become the newest member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Lunch and desserts ready at the house for family and friends

Liza with her best friend and cousins

Uncle Travis and Liza.  Doesn't she just look so clean and pure in this picture?  So sweet.

Had to grab the big kids for a picture with Liza - especially after their tender talks at the baptism

The next day (Mother's Day) we realized we never got a picture of Liza with Mom and Dad, 

so better late than never.

Mother's Day 2012.  Thank you kids for enriching my life in ways I could have never imagined.  Motherhood is indeed a most wondrous blessing.

End of school activities:

Sophie was Helen Keller in the 5th grade wax museum and did a fantastic job ignoring me and staying in character as I took pictures.

Oakridge "Art Night" - Liza with one of her works of art and Sophie with friend Amelia demonstrating their skills on the cool instruments (I have no idea what they are called).

Sophie was pretty proud that she took 3rd place out of the 5th grade girls in the annual "fun run."

Oakridge Elementary "Super Kids Day" to celebrate the end of the school year.  

I love volunteering for this event - so much fun!

Caroline's birthday:

 CAROLINE'S 15TH BIRTHDAY

It was a covert operation to plan a surprise party for the girl who continued to remind me and all her friends that she "did NOT want a big party!"  Her best friend Maddie planned and carried out a huge party at her house just for Caroline (I think there were close to 60 kids who came), and after the initial shock, I'm pretty sure our Miss Caroline thought it was pretty neat to celebrate in style with all her friends.

Video of Caroline's reaction

Her really close friends (Sara G., Olivia, and Maddie) came over for breakfast the next morning - May 25, 2012 - they had to be there for the actual date she turned 15!

Sophie was so excited to give her the i-pod she had won in a raffle at school, along with an i-tunes card.  Such a sweet moment - Sophie could hardly wait for Caroline to open her gift!

it's about family.

 

My last post was written in a moment of extreme emotion, and I'm still pondering daily what can and should be done in this country to avoid another tragedy.   As time passes, I continue to evaluate what is truly the most important.  After reading numerous articles and statistics, and listening to many interviews and pundits, nothing "spoke" to me, until I read this news story on KSL a few days ago.

Estee Carter, a survivor of the Columbine school shooting, offers her perspective regarding last week's events and mentions that FAMILY and the bonds within that group, the love that is present as we watch over and care for one another is where we should focus our energy.  From the article:

Two months after the shooting, Carter was asked to participate in a youth violence summit. Her remarks were quoted in newspapers around the country. . . . 

“I said something when I was 17, and I still really believe it,” she said. “I think we focus so much on the periphery on the what, on the gun control, violent movies and we focus on the what and not the why. I think that the foundation of our society is our family. It is what is going on in our homes, and I believed it then and really believe it now.”

I could not agree more, because it is in families where we learn to value life, to express love and concern for family, friends, and strangers; where we gain confidence, and where we grow and learn about interacting with others and the world around us.  Unfortunately, our society has become so fragmented and families are disintegrating at an increasingly rapid pace.  Many children do not have the safety and security found within a loving home that is vital to their emotional, mental, and spiritual growth.  My last post detailed our responsibility to be that "village" and watch for those children who need comfort outside the walls of their own homes.

Indeed, we are our "brother's keeper" and should do all in our power to strengthen homes and families wherever we are in the nation, or we will continue to witness violence and tragedy.  The message from our modern prophets in the document, "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" is one of pure truth, testimony, and hope.  The words of this proclamation have been running through my mind ever since I read the article, particularly this portion:

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

It IS about family, it's all about family.  The nations with the strongest homes and families will be the most successful nations.  We should do all we can to maintain and strengthen our own families, as well as support those mothers, fathers, and children desperately looking for role models and friendship.

And if I don't get another blog post before Christmas, may each of you enjoy a very Merry Christmas and hold those most precious family members to you a little closer this year!

charity never faileth

The tragedy in Connecticut has hit home for every person in the nation, if not throughout the world.  We are reminded to hold our kids tighter, to cherish our relationships, and never forget how fragile life can be.  There has also been a nonstop conversation regarding gun control, mental illness, and school security.  Everyone is seeking an answer of what drives someone to the point to commit such a senseless act of violence on the innocent.  My heart is aching tonight and my thoughts have been turned to the young man who took the lives of these children.  His life must have been one of desperation.  The pictures that I've seen of this boy are seered in my mind and I honestly can't help but wonder how his life events and relationships played out.  I imagine a tragic life without any sense of self worth, validation, appreciation, or love that is so crucial to every person's emotional development and well being.

A mantra that I repeat often to my children, my young women, and anyone willing to listen is this:

"When someone hurts you, it's because they aren't feeling love or they are filled with fear. People won't hurt other people when they feel noticed, appreciated, included, and safe."

The debate about why people do such awful things can begin with a deep look inside each of us and what steps we take each day to reach out and connect on a personal level with others.

To conquer bullying and encourage more respect and positive relationships, my girls' elementary school has begun a "fill someone's bucket today" initiative (the impetus which was this fabulous book).  The purpose is to instill lifelong habits in our children which build others, "fill" their emotional buckets, and make everyone feel like they have a friend.

Our world is becoming increasingly disconnected and a few minutes sending tweets and reading facebook posts will not equate the essential connection one feels within personal one-on-one interactions.  The friendships that I strengthen through phone calls and face time are the ones that currently bless my life.  The others pale in comparison . . . that is until we make personal contact again. It's truly amazing how quickly we are emotionally filled by the encouragement and connection with someone when it is done personally.

This is where my thoughts have been the past couple of days, and rather than engage in a contentious gun control debate or throw something at the tv when analysts begin discussing this "monster," I will choose to focus on making myself a better person and teaching my children to have confidence to reach out others.

I was dismayed that my sister called me out in a public social forum within hours of this tragedy on our choice to own a gun and demanded I answer her questions about gun violence. After answering her initial question with some of the reactionary gene that is imbedded in my psyche, I finalized the debate with this response:

I will end the conversation with this thought: I am not on trial here for my beliefs or values. If you and Bryan would like a civil discourse with Chris and me about this issue we would be happy to engage. Please take me out of this discussion, especially when our family is more focused and concerned at this time for the welfare and support of the families and loved ones of all those connected with this tragedy. My heart is breaking for everyone involved, and the conversation we are having with our children is that we continue to watch for the lonely, the misfits, and those who so desperately need to feel love and appreciation in this increasingly disconnected world. I don't know what the answer is, but for us, we choose to focus on love and awareness of those struggling with mental/emotional illness and those who so desperately need to feel validation and connection with others. That is one thing the government cannot solve. There are too many emotionally empty people in the world and my family will be doing our part to strengthen those in need rather than debate gun control in a public forum with you.

My prayer is that we come together during this difficult time in a spirit of compassion, understanding and love as we search for answers . . .

And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

  But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found  possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

  Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail.

  Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.

Moroni 7:45-48, The Book of Mormon

Gilead

 Last week I finished reading Marilynne Robinson's exquisite novel, Gilead yet again. This is a book to be savored. A beautiful story told by the Reverend John Ames through a series of letters to his young son as he contemplates his life, his history, and the future of his wife and son. Robinson's brilliant observations and lyrical prose set this novel apart from so many other contemporary writings. Her knowledge of the relationship between fathers and sons, as well as her deep understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ is remarkable. This is one of my favorite books and after finishing the final chapter, I felt as if saying good-bye to an old friend. However, I'm sure it won't be long I pick it up once again to be tutored by the ever wise, yet humble, John Ames.

Here are a few excerpts that I found particularly noteworthy during this reading:

". . . it's your existence I love you for, mainly.  Existence seems to me now the most remarkable thing that could ever be imagined.  I'm about to put on imperishability.  In an instant, in the twinkling of an eye . . .  The twinkling of an eye. That is the most wonderful expression.  I've thought from time to time it was the best thing in life, that little incandescence you see in people when the charm of a thing strikes them, or the humor of it. The light of the eyes rejoiceth the heart.  That's a fact."

 "Our dream of life will end as dreams do end, abruptly and completely, when the sun rises, when the light comes.  And we will think, All that fear and all that grief were about nothing.  But that cannot be true.  I can't believe we will forget our sorrows altogether.  That would mean forgetting that we had lived, humanly speaking.  Sorrow seems to me to be a great part of the substance of human life. . . ."

"This is an important thing, which I have told many people, and which my father told me, and which his father told him.  When you encounter another person, when you have dealings with anyone at all, it is as if a question is being put to you.  So you must think, What is the Lord asking of me in this moment, in this situation?  If you confront insult or antagonism, your first impulse will be to respond in kind.  But if you think, as it were, This is an emissary sent from the Lord, and some benefit is intended for me . . . You are free to act by your own lights.  You are freed at the same time of the impulse to hate or resent that person.  He would probably laugh at the thought that the Lord sent him to you for your benefit (and his), but that is the perfection of the disguise, his own ignorance of it."

"In every important way we are such secrets from each other, and I do believe that there is a separate language in each of us, also a separate aesthetics and a separate jurisprudence.  Every single one of us is a little civilization built on the ruins of any number of preceding civilizations, but with our own variant notions of what is beautiful and what is acceptable-- which, I hasten to add, we generally do not satisfy and by which we struggle to live.  We take fortuitous resemblances among us to be actual likeness, because those around us have also fallen heir to the same customs, trade in the same coin, acknowledge, more or less, the same notions of decency and sanity.  But all that really just allows us to coexist with the inviolable, untraversable, and utterly vast spaces between us."

ah, temple square

I am so blessed.  Brilliant, fall mornings like today make me ever so grateful to live where I live and have the myriad of opportunities available out my door each day.  This morning I decided to get back to my once-a-month temple visits downtown (didn't happen in the summer).  After getting parked and strolling onto the gorgeous temple grounds, I was kicking myself for not coming more often.  The flowers today were stunning.  Absolutely breathtaking.  Truly a sight to behold in September.

My temple visits never fail to strengthen my faith and hope that all is well, increase my love for others, and especially sustain my conviction and testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  The more I study, I mean really study, read, and ponder the words of modern and ancient prophets, the more convinced I am that this IS indeed the restored gospel in its purity.  My testimony is firm and I am committed to teaching my children these precious truths.

I love the gospel, it is everything to me.  I feel a little guilty that I don't take advantage of the many temples within a short distance of my home, but after today I will try to go more often . . . especially when I can drop the girls off at school and be downtown to the Salt Lake Temple in 15 minutes with time to spare to walk the grounds and drink in the beauty of it all.  Indeed, what a blessing.

I couldn't help myself:

 

 These flowers were just in front of the First Presidency building - AMAZING with the morning sun.

Autumn daisies, I'm in love!