civility

Yesterday while running the trails behind our home on what was an absolutely stunning autumn afternoon, my thoughts were focused on the previous evening's presidential debate and the increasingly venomous attacks that continue to escalate via social media after such events.

What has happened to civil discourse in our society among its citizens?  As a mother, I am trying to teach my children to behave with respect and dignity when speaking to others and about others, regardless their opinion of that person.  It is disheartening, especially when I see such attacks coming from women, to read such crass and disrespectful comments.  Yesterday a woman compared Mitt Romney's platform to that of the Taliban, and if elected we would see more violence like the young 14-year old Pakistani girl who was shot . . . "those with opinions will be shot" were her final words.  Really?  Really?  There were only two of us who made comments in retort that her statement was out of line.  Even more baffling are the women who stoop so low to name calling or attacking the families, personal lives, and religious affliations of the candidates.  I've heard one candidate more than once called a "douche" by a seemingly educated woman. Can anyone state a logical argument or express their viewpoint without spewing venom?

Of course, we all have opinions and our freedom of speech allows us to share these with others; it is one of the great freedoms which  makes this country magnificent. Many of us enjoy watching or listening to the debates as important issues are discussed and disputed.  However, why must so many lose their self respect and display such vile anger in their crude personal attacks via comments and silly pictures on the internet, and what is this teaching our children?  A few weeks ago, I posted my "life lessons" for my daughters and think I should add another pointer:

"NEVER become a women who loses her civility, dignity, or decency while defending or promoting a personal opinion or life choice.  Always treat others with courtesy and respect, regardless of how you feel about their views, and never back down while standing up for what you believe."

"Blessed are the peacemakers . . ."

forget me not

Every year I look forward to the annual Relief Society meeting held the week before the October general conference.  It is always a spiritual lift to listen to the RS general presidency and a member of the First Presidency speak to the women of the church.  So yesterday evening a friend and I headed downtown to the conference center to hear the inspirational messages and feel the beautiful spirit of so many righteous women gathered together in one place.

I especially felt a connection with Elder Uchtdorf's sincere and timely message of never forgetting the simple things in life that will bring an added measure of joy and peace.  He used the analogy of the forget-me-not flower and mentioned five things we should never "forget," just like the five tiny, perfect blue petals on this delicate, unpretentious flower.

never forget . . .

1.  to be patient with yourself.  Part of our mortal experience is to have weaknesses. We are not perfect and no one expects us to be, especially our Heavenly Father.  Be compassionate with yourself.  We have a tendency to compare our weaknesses to others' strengths, and by so doing feel we will never measure up.  However, by staying on the long path of discipleship, our weaknesses will eventually become our STRENGTHS.

2.  the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice. Be wise when committing our time and energy.  Sacrifice is worthwhile when we are sacrificing something "good" for something "better."  Our time is limited - choose wisely.

3.  to be happy now.  Never fail to notice the blessings that surround you daily.  Don't be miserable while waiting for your "golden ticket" - that elusive goal that you believe will bring happiness.   Be vigilant and watch for the everyday miracles and blessings.

4.  the "why" of the gospel.  Never forget that the gospel is the pathway leading to happiness and peace in this life and a fullness of joy in the life to come.  Seek out the beauty of the "why" we live the gospel and keep our covenants . . . this will transform the mundane into the magnificent.

5.  that the Lord LOVES you.  Never forget that you are a precious daughter of a loving Heavenly Father, that you are never forgotten, and loved with an infinite love.  He loves you because you are His child and are the daughters of His kingdom.  Never forget that His love in your heart can heal any wound and relieve every heartache.

Click here for a few video excerpts from Elder Uchtdorf's talk (it's so much better to hear him relay this message straight from the heart).

Oh, Dolly!

Yep, Dolly Parton.  Yesterday morning as I was perusing NPR for something to listen to while I go about my morning chores, this story caught my eye.  I know, I'm a total NPR geek - Chris is so patient during our dinner conversations when I begin practically every sentence with, "today on NPR . . . oh, I listened to the greatest interview on NPR . . . oh, you've GOT to hear this music I heard today on NPR."  Tedious I know, but I love sharing my new found knowledge with anyone who will listen, plus it adds something new to our routine "how was your day . . . what's everyone been up to" conversations.

Back to Dolly.  I've never really thought much about Dolly Parton except that she seems like a good person and is an American icon of sorts.  I don't have any of her albums, never been a huge fan, but appreciated her work as an singer/songwriter nonetheless.  Furthermore, who doesn't just adore her role as Truvy in the movie Steel Magnolias?

I was completely captivated by her interview (originally aired in 2001) . . . so much so, that I listened to it again this morning (Terry Gross is one of my favorite NPR hosts - love her style), and it only took about a half hour for my respect and admiration for Dolly to increase hundredfold.  What an incredible person!!  Really, her life story is filled with amazing courage, determination, and an unbelievably strong sense of self.  I have always been impressed with people who have the tenacity to pursue their dreams, without fear of failure or how they are perceived by others, and Dolly exemplifies this perfectly.  She is the real deal . . . aways staying true to herself, her faith and ideals, and those things that make her happy, regardless what anyone might think or say.  She also possesses a sincere and optimistic outlook on life, her relationships with others, and the future.  I just love her confidence . . . it's rare to find someone who's experienced so much success and who can still so easily balance their self assurance with genuine humility.

Thanks Dolly for the inspiration! 

What do we do?

I ran across this article in from the Washington Post the other day and thought I would share.  I found it very insightful, especially considering the insanity of my own particular brand of motherhood the past two weeks, which translates into no blog posts . . .

The author's words about the daily influence we have on our children really struck me, and I'm learning as my kids get older that it's our example and ongoing conversation with these little creatures that is ever so important.  Here is the following unforeseen "mom duties" I have been attending to the past couple weeks (this is the short list of everything that didn't include the daily feeding, washing, clothing, and driving my children require):

• 
  
  A dead pet.  Yes, Miffy, our little bunny who thought it was a dog, bit the dust a couple weeks ago.  I received a call from our neighbor (who found Miffy dead on her lawn) while picking out a birthday party gift with three of the kids.  I told her to put the bunny in a bag and we'd come get it when we get home.  Sophie, unfortunately got off the bus alone, discovered our dead pet on our porch, and seemed to handle the trauma surprising well until I could make it home.  My duty:  keep calm, dole out long hugs to those who loved Miffy (everyone but Liza - she was thrilled the pest was gone), explain the purpose of life and death, and oversee the digging of Miffy's grave and funeral service (where Liza happily decorated the headstone).
• 
  
  Disappointments.  Later that evening, Caroline competed in her first G14 (girls age 13-15) tennis tournament where she was defeated quickly by an East HS varsity player.  My Duty:  offer as much encouragement as possible that she is a good tennis player, tell her she played great (while at the same time she tells me she played horrible), and continue to encourage her never to give up and try again.
• 
  
  Agency.  Learning a few days later that our children have their agency.  We can teach, direct, listen, offer advice, encourage, love, sacrifice, etc., but the hard part is realizing that our children will at times ignore our wise counsel and make their own decisions.  My Duty:  Continue to love, despite disappointment.  Forgive without bringing up the past.  Move forward without blaming myself, or even worse, thinking I've failed as a parent.
• 
  
  When the world crashes down on a 12-year old.  Realizing that it's not "just 7th grade" or "just dance company," but when making the Jr. High School Dance Company means everything to your daughter, and when her two best friends made it and she was cut, it was the end of the world.  Tears, tears, and more tears.  I've never seen Caroline so distraught, but I've also never seen her so resilient.  My Duty:  Stay positive, be her greatest supporter and cheerleader, continue to tell her she is a beautiful dancer and there just must have been a mistake made in the judging ;-).  And most important, let her know that life goes on and sometimes life just doesn't seem fair, but she'll be a stronger person for the experience.
• 
  
  Injuries:  Mine.  I don't function well if I am incapacitated and I can't be the mother my kids need.  On Wednesday this week I woke up to terrible pain in my foot after a long tennis match the night before.  I had been feeling slight pain for a few weeks, but refusing to rest and stay off my foot, I continued to run (even participated in a 5k race), hike, and play tennis.  Now I was done for, thought I had a stress fracture by the way my toes were swelling and how the slightest painful touch about did me in, and believed I had no hope now to train for my first marathon this fall.  My Duty:  REST (impossible) and stay off my feet and try my hardest not to be a grouch around the kids and anyone else . . . stay positive (ya, right), oh, and make a dr. appt. ASAP!  The one bright spot of my week - it's just inflamed joints, refraining from any weight bearing exercise for two weeks and some meds should heal my foot . . . phew, I can be a mom again :-).
• 
  
  Attention.  Something my little girls were going without considering everyone else's struggles of the week, as well as the ongoing process of trying to sell the home.  Homework assignments, spelling lists, and book reports were forgotten, one on one time was non-existent, and they had to rely on each other for company during these weeks that also included Caroline's spring dance performance, Ryan's end of season LAX stuff, school fundraisers, etc.  My Duty:  Try to make time, and we did.  Yesterday we took off for a movie ("How to Train your Dragon" - if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it) and lunch, then a relaxing Sunday and time together as a family - a nice weekend and the girls once again felt important.

So, in answer to the writer's question of what we do all day: well, it goes beyond anything I could have ever imagined even 10 years ago.  It is constant nurturing, teaching, loving, forgiving, protecting, reassuring, and many hugs and kisses thrown in for good measure.  It requires an amazing amount of patience, humility, faith, and hope . . . which many days I'm not sure I have enough, but somehow I do and realize that motherhood molds women into pillars of strength that cannot be found in any other occupation, and I am eternally grateful for that opportunity.

Inspiring

I just posted my Mother's Day post, but wanted to share this video with you all about an extraordinary woman and mother whose unbelievable story of strength and humility is a beautiful reminder of God's deep, powerful love, and the comfort he offers to each of us.  He truly knows us personally, and especially our struggles and heartaches.  If this amazing young woman can continue to find joy and happiness each day despite her setbacks, how much more do we have to be grateful . . .



To follow Stephanie's blog, click here.  You'll be inspired!

After I watched Stephanie's video, I stumbled upon another message about overcoming the afflictions and challenges of mortality.  This talk by Elder Cook is just so reassuring, and I hope it brings each of you more peace, understanding, and light . . .

BYU Women's Conference 2010

I came home brimming with renewed energy and filled with more . . .

Truth, Hope, Understanding, Testimony, Righteousness, Courage, Love, Faith, Mercy, Light, Goodness, Humility, Strength, Comfort, Forgiveness, Power, Wisdom, Obedience, Guidance, Peace, Compassion, Gratitude, Trust, Diligence.

Women's conference is truly a time to strengthen my testimony and feel the energy of so many righteous, faithful women in one place.  I come home rededicated to keeping my priorities aligned with the Lord's and more committed to having the spirit in my heart and home each day.  I feel completely rejuvenated and I am so grateful for the many volunteers, and especially the inspired speakers that made the conference possible.  It was such a treat to attend BOTH days this year and I'm already looking forward to next year's spiritual feast.

LOVE this!

The office secretary at my daughters' elementary school had this quote posted on her desk this morning and I just smiled because it's SO true!  Hope it brings a smile to your face too:

"Women are angels,

And when someone breaks our wings,

We continue to fly . . .

on a broomstick,

we're flexible that way."

"Words on Women & Strength"

This is a beautiful reminder of the power behind women and cherished friendships. A dear friend sent to me months ago and I was waiting for the right time to post it. After another evening spent among friends tonight, I feel so blessed to have these types of bonds in my life. The past 24 hours have been so uplifting, so beautiful. I am grateful to friends that inspire, friends that come to me for advice, friends that listen, friends that make me laugh, and especially friends that genuinely care about me and my family. That is why this tribute touches my heart - enjoy . . .