21 years on the 21st

Happy 21st Anniversary to us

We celebrated our anniversary Friday afternoon mountain biking in Park City before we hit Main Street that evening for dinner.  Can I just say how glad I am we decided to get married in September - really, every year it's such a beautiful time to get out and do something together. The original plan was to head up and take a couple runs on the Alpine Slide before dinner, but after a little more thought, we decided to rent some bikes and have a go at the mountain.  We have been talking forever about finally upgrading our old mountain bikes, so we decided to rent to see what we've been missing.  Ya, it only took about 2 minutes to realize our circa 1990 bikes are a tad outdated.  So, donning matching helmets and matching bikes, courtesy of Jans we hit the trails . . . 

My attempt to get us both in a pic on the chairlift

 Beautiful Park City Mountain Resort

The bright aspens against the brilliant blue fall sky were spectacular!

After dropping off the bikes and spiffing up courtesy the Yarrow hotel bathrooms (perfect place for cleaning up and changing after skiing or biking . . .), we took a trip down memory lane and walked around the newly remodeled Washington School Inn where we spent our first night of our honeymoon so many years ago.  The proprietor was so kind to let us wander around and view the renovations.  It was just lovely and I was having no luck at all talking Chris into checking in for the evening (it definitely wasn't $450/nt when we stayed there), but it sure was stunning inside.

Our conversation over dinner was one of reflection, as well as looking forward.  This weekend was pretty full and it was interesting to wonder what we would have thought if someone had told us on the day we got married that in twenty-one years on the weekend we were celebrating our anniversary we would . . .

• have two teenagers heading to the homecoming football game with their friends on Friday night
• watch our daughter get ready for her first high school dance Saturday afternoon
• send our son with his Dad's car to pick up his Homecoming date for an "all day extravaganza"
• sit on the sidelines cheering my 11 year old daughter during her volleyball game
• take our 8 year old daughter to a birthday party
• celebrate with our 15 year old her undefeated high school tennis season
• discuss the progress of our 17 year old's college application
• listen to two girls practice piano & ask one daughter to practice, despite protest
• need to make sure all homework was complete
• complete my visa application for our trip to China
• have the privilege to sit surrounded by my four amazing children during the Brigham City temple dedication (broadcast) and know that this is what life is all about . . . our marriage, our children, our family, and the gospel.

reflecting on 20 years

September 21, 1991

I really can't believe we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary earlier this week.  I remember my PARENTS' 20th anniversary when I was in Jr. High and they seemed so OLD.  Honestly, how did this milestone creep up on us so quickly?  As alarming as hitting 20 years together seems, it's also been a sweet reminder of the things that have kept us together all these years and how we've grown, both individually and collectively.  We've reminisced about everything from the excitement of meeting one another and dating, to the realization that we've actually put up with one another for this long ;-).

Of course, we have had highs and lows like every other marriage . . . we've struggled, we've done stupid things, we've hurt one another, we've said things we regret, we've felt unsupported, unappreciated, and misunderstood, we've yelled and slammed doors, we've cried together, we've forgiven, we've learned from our mistakes, and we've stayed up all night working things out . . . we've also created countless memories, laughed so hard it hurts, shared some unbelievable experiences and adventures, nurtured our faith and testimonies in the gospel, raised our children with unflinching honesty, and become closer with each passing year.  Through it all, we've realized that we are two firstborn stubborn, opinionated, passionate people who care deeply about each other and couldn't get along without the other.

I don't know what I would do without Chris.  We both agree that we would be lost souls if one of us were gone.  What we've realized in the years since our wedding day, is that our marriage is anything but "perfect" - it requires vigilance and constant nurturing, understanding, and communication.  However, it also has become one of my richest blessings as I continue to develop greater patience, humility, empathy, and charity for my family members as well as others.

Some say "soul mates" don't exist, that it's just a matter of luck or timing.  But I believe they do. I truly believe that I could only learn some of the most important lessons for my personal growth here in mortality through my relationship with Chris. We were meant to find each other 21 years ago, in circumstances that every year seem more than coincidental. It wasn't a chance meeting, but truly a soul connection that brought us together, and the longer we live and grow together, the more I believe that is true. It seems everyone is searching for some sort of "soul connection" these days because it's my most popular post, receiving several hits each day.  After some digging I found the quote in its entirety.  It's simply exquisite . . . and oh, so true:

"A soul connection is a resonance between two people who respond to the essential beauty of each other's individual natures, behind their facades, and who connect on this deeper level. This kind of mutual recognition provides the catalyst for a potent alchemy. It is a sacred alliance whose purpose is to help both partners discover and realize their deepest potentials. While a heart connection lets us appreciate those we love just as they are, a soul connection opens up a further dimension -- seeing and loving them for who they could be, and for who we could become under their influence. This means recognizing that we both have an important part to play in helping each other become more fully who we are....A soul connection not only inspires us to expand, but also forces us to confront whatever stands in the way of that expansion." 

John Welwood

So, thank you Chris for helping me realize my potential, for inspiring me to expand my heart to degrees I didn't think it was possible to stretch, and for the years of love, laughter, and understanding.

Anniversary dinner at Log Haven, then off to a remarkable contemporary musical ("Next to Normal") at Pioneer Theater.

(for a few more pics of our wedding day, click here)

Not just a marriage, an eternal marriage

The topic today in relief society was eternal marriage.  It was my week to give the lesson and I shared this thoughtful quote from a talk given in General Conference a few years back by F. Burton Howard of the seventy . . .

An eternal marriage is eternal.  Eternal implies continuing growth and improvement. 
It means that man and wife will honestly try to perfect themselves. It means that the marriage relationship is not to be frivolously discarded at the first sign of disagreement or when times get hard. It signifies that love will grow stronger with time and that it extends beyond the grave. It means that each partner will be blessed with the company of the other partner forever and that problems and differences might as well be resolved because they are not going to go away. 
Eternal signifies repentance, forgiveness, long-suffering, patience, hope, charity, love, and humility. All of these things are involved in anything that is eternal, and surely we must learn and practice them if we intend to claim an eternal marriage.

I love this quote and the perspective it offers of eternity; that it is a gradual progression towards perfection, and as we continue to grow and overcome weaknesses together, and earnestly strive to live our lives in harmony with the gospel, our eternal companionship will be blessed. What a beautiful reminder to keep our marriage strong and continue to nurture the bond that began, for us, twenty years ago next month.

Happy Anniversary to us

We're not sure we will ever top our commemoration of the first 19 years! We celebrated in what turned out to be one of the most perfect days we've ever spent together, literally. Maybe because we're in the captivatingly unique city of Barcelona, maybe because no other person or object has been vying for our attention, or maybe just because we realized how madly, deeply, and passionately we are in love with each other . . . still.

It possibly could also have been the morning spent in utter amazement at the brilliance and genius surrounding Gaudi's unfinished masterpiece, la Sagrada Familia . . . the fascination with Parque Guell and then subsequent downpour that had us running for cover, but made Gaudi's caves and tunnels all the more intriguing . . . our authentic and unbelievably good Catalan meal at media dia (thanks to Chris' relatives who welcomed us with open arms and food for an army). . . renting bicycles and peddling along the Barceloma coastline and grand avenues enjoying the fresh breezes and ocean air . . . another "Seinfeld moment" that kept us laughing for hours afterward . . . an evening stroll through city park after a quick stop for a pastry and chat with a local baker . . .

and maybe, just maybe what made it a night to remember was walking toward the Arc de Triomphe, hand in hand with a full moon overhead reminiscing about those very first dates and the early years of our courtship when all was new and life held so many possibilities. We both agreed that it has indeed been worth it, every bump in the road, every year filled with more growth, and most importantly knowing that each passing year we truly understand our relationship and how it has matured. That is the blessing of marriage, and if we've made it this far, we're confident we have many more good years and happy moments like this in our future.

Blessed am I.

Next week Chris and I are headed to Spain to celebrate our 19th anniversary (September 21st), which means we've known each other now for 20 years . . . so technically, it is "the big one" - 20 years together - which means that I've now been with Chris longer than I was without him.   What a privilege.  The growth and progress that we have both experienced during these years is truly astounding.  I don't know if I can adequately express my gratitude in mere words for the blessing that my marriage has been in my life.  Of course, it is through much trial and error, many ups and downs, as well as countless joys and struggles where the greatest growth has occurred.  But most importantly, it is knowing that the majority of the happiest moments in my life have been spent with Chris by my side.

Yesterday during scripture study our conversation turned to marriage and sacrifice within the marriage covenant.  I am so grateful to a dear friend who helped me see clearly the how vital it is to overcome our inner selfishness and truly give all we have to our partner.  I shared these insights, and then was reminded of two of my favorite quotes on marriage that I promised I would post for my scripture group friends . . .

"Love, marriage, and family life are not for the faint of heart.  Loving, intimate relationships require much concentration, patience, discipline, and presence.  Elder Boyd K. Packer notes, “No relationship has more potential to exalt a man and a woman than the marriage covenant. Although marriage is not without trials of many kinds, these tests forge virtue and strength.  The tempering that comes in marriage and family life produces men and women who will someday be exalted" (Ensign, May, 1981, 13).

Supporting this idea Catherine Thomas writes, “God designed marriage as a refuge – two people tenderly caring for each other through life’s experiences – but also as a tutorial in love. Each has something to teach the other and the learning is usually not easy. Thus, marriage, perhaps more than any other relationship – because it is more intimate than any other – is our greatest spiritual challenge and has the greatest potential, along with parenthood, to make godly beings of us (Thomas, Spiritual Lightening, p. 62)."

Chris is planning . . .

our 19th anniversary trip!

Yes, that was not a misprint, CHRIS is planning this trip and calls every couple hourse to get my opinion on his most recent itinerary or sends a link to his latest hotel find.  It's been so much fun to plan and we are starting to really get excited for this trip.  It was almost 11 years since we were last in Europe (celebrating our 8th anniversary and leaving our 4 & 2 year-old children behind) and we're hoping this trip will be as magical as the last.

Paris at night - on top of the Arc de Triomphe - 1999.

In September we are leaving our 15, 13, 9, and 6 year-old children home and heading to Madrid, Barcelona, and Paris (after several itinerary changes including Northern Spain, Southern France, and Austria).  Three cities in 10 days and short flights between them all (instead of hours on trains).  My wonderful husband has immersed himself in picking the destinations and planning the itinerary.

This will be the first time I've been to Barcelona, where Chris served his mission almost 25 years ago, and the first time to meet his relatives who live in the city, oh, and who don't speak English (and I don't speak Spanish - should be interesting :-).  Chris stopped in Spain last year for a few days for a visit before heading up to the UK for business, and was in Barcelona a few years before that trip.  I, on the other hand, am dying to go.  We are both needing for a trip alone together - it's been too long (India didn't count as an "alone" trip since any time we had together was also with his fellow employees) and I think Chris is feeling the need to connect and have an adventure together as much as I have!

OK, this is too much.  Just a minute ago while working on this post he came home from work, told me to go sit on the couch with my eyes closed and hold out my hands, whereupon he placed this little surprise:

Seriously, what a guy - LOVE him!!!! 

Happy Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's today and my love showed up in St. George to surprise us!!  Of course, I couldn't think of a better way to spend the day than with my sweetheart, especially when I thought we would be spending the day apart.  It's even better that it's in sunny St. George away from the dreary cold up north.  The girls and I left Thursday afternoon for Caroline's tennis tournament (her first match was Friday morning) and Chris was just too busy to join us, so he and Ryan stayed home (for Ryan, it was the fresh snow that kept him home).  Then Chris woke up this morning missing us and the SUN, so the guys left the house at 7am and found us in t-shirts and tennis skirts on the court.  We were all SO excited!!

So, In celebration of this "day of love," I'd like to share a favorite quote of mine.  It's from the movie, Captain Corelli's Mandolin (which I haven't seen, but must be fairly decent if it includes this quote :-).  I think it's a beautiful metaphor of the true meaning of deep, satisfying, and enduring love . . .

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

~St. Augustine~

Date Night

Cozy dinner and cinnamon tea at our favorite Lebonese restaurant:  Simply amazing.

Watching Chris take 15 minutes to parellel park:
"Laugh so hard you cry" funny.

Masterpiece of a movie at our favorite downtown theater: 
Compelling.

Chris admitting that he really is a movie snob, just like me:
Oh, so satisfying.

Finally finding some time alone to talk, laugh, and connect with each other after more than a week of holiday company and craziness: 
Priceless.

Honest answer

Sophie, always the one to ask whatever is on her mind, while watching me prepare Sunday dinner today, looked directly at me and thoughtfully asked, "is it hard being a mom?" I didn't even think before realizing how brutally honest my answer sounded. "No, not at all, I love being a mom . . . it's harder being a wife." Her eyes flashed instant understanding and she responded, "ahhh, ya, that makes sense," and skipped off with the knowledge that she's loved and even if things sometimes aren't perfect, it's not because I don't love her or the fact that I'm a mom.

I'm not sure if I should have blurted out such a statement to my 8-year old, but I'm thinking it's alright, that our children need to feel confident in my feelings towards them, my feelings about motherhood, and even sometimes embracing those honest moments to let them know that marriage is hard work and when they feel a little tension, they can feel assured that it's not them.

YOSEMITE

"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves."

- John Muir-

Yosemite was the perfect choice this year to celebrate our life together - time in the mountains surrounded by beauty, staying out late and sleeping in, laughing so hard it hurts, and the best part - enjoying our conversations without interruptions . . . priceless!

September 21st

Then . . .
Now . . .
Has it really been 17 years?! After looking at these pics side by side I believe there has been some improvement during those years :-). I'm finally back on the blogging bandwagon and wanted to mention our years together as "JulieandChris." It's been a good run and I'm blessed to have Chris by my side. Like many couples, we compliment each other quite nicely - my "yin" to his "yang." For Example, last month Chris came home from work and said, "I never even noticed the sunflowers until I read about them on your blog." My response: "What?? Are you kidding, they are everywhere, how can you NOT miss them?!" Then I remembered about a week before when Chris asked, "When are you going to clean the mud off Liza's boots and bring them inside? I believe they've been on the steps for over a month now." My response: "Really?? I never noticed."

So, there you have it - "JulieandChris" in a nutshell . . . he notices the practical, I, the ethereal . . . and it's worked out quite well over the years. Love ya Chris!