Inner peace

I just had to share what I thought were some incredible insights during a conversation with my yoga teacher this week.  I began studying Kundalini Yoga just over a month ago when a friend of mine opened a studio in her home.  The class I attend is taught by her lovely mother whom I just adore because of her positive and peaceful nature.  This is my first experience with Kundalini Yoga, whose main focus is meditation, breath, and mantras rather than the physical poses (like Hatha, Vinyasa or Ashtanga yoga).  I've attended yoga classes on and off for almost 10 years now, but ever since my experience in India with a yogi, I haven't seemed to find a class or practice I can embrace . . . until now.

The way I feel both physically and mentally after an hour and a half of Kundalini is unbelievable, and I've started to practice on my own a few minutes every morning in an attempt keep that calming influence with me throughout the day.  Anyway, back to our conversation . . . she was explaining this inner peace that our souls yearn for and how this practice awakens the chakras and helps keep us centered and balanced.  We began discussing how to hold on to that calm and not let anything or anyone disturb that peace and cause imbalance.

The key is truly in the breath and realizing how much power is held in something so simple.  She went on to explain how some people with conflicting energy (usually negative) who don't or just haven't learned how to tap into this inner peace and calm within themselves unconsciously make one of two choices:  their souls seek solace so they are attracted to those who have positive energy and who embody an inner self confidence because it helps diffuse the opposite energy and restore balance, OR their negative energy completely rejects the opposing energy and instead of attraction, conflict arises and they unconsciously "fight or battle" with the other person, who by nature is peaceful and positive.  After hearing this, it was like a light went on, especially since I've been struggling with someone who carries so much negativity within and I felt my true nature suffering because of hurtful interactions.  My teacher concluded by repeating a mantra when you find yourself in opposition with one of these souls:  "I have compassion for you and the energy within, and my hope is that you will one day feel the peace that is within me."

Isn't that just beautiful?  I actually find that my yoga practice heightens my spirituality as well, so while dwelling on this conversation I thought of pride and it's definition as "enmity (or conflict) with another" and that when I judge, focus on being right, refuse to forgive, or let my ultra competitive side take over, I am essentially creating conflict, not embracing humility, and therefore not allowing my positive energy to thrive and create peace, which at its core is love.  We cannot love others as we should when there is conflict, it's just that simple.  I cannot extend love to my family, friends, or even strangers when I'm dwelling on an offense or regretting an impulsive reaction to something negative.  However, when I remember this inner stillness that I feel during yoga, or that I feel while listening to absolute truths when the spirit whispers peace to my soul, I am truly the person I am at my core, the real me, and it's a liberating feeling.

During my scripture study discussion this week, I highlighted Elder Neil L. Anderson's touching conference talk and found this excerpt profound: 

In our weakened moments, the adversary seeks to steal our spiritual promises.  If we are not watchful, our injured, childlike spirit will retreat back into the cold, dark crust of our former bloated ego, leaving behind the warm, healing light of the Savior.  When Parley P. Pratt, in 1835, was judged unfairly, bringing embarrassment and shame to him and his family, the Prophet Joseph Smith counseled:

"Parley . . . walk such things under your feet . . .

and God Almighty shall be with you."

What a beautiful reminder said so eloquently by a prophet of God, and I am determined to live each day striving for peace, inner stillness, and especially the light of the Savior as I "walk such things under my feet."

42 miles . . .

Alright, I hit a milestone after my run today - 42 miles in two weeks!!!  I ran 20 miles this week and 22 miles last week . . . never, never, ever in my life have I run this much and so it's a MAJOR milestone. 

I thought I would remember the moment with a post because if my knee continues to give me grief around the 10-11 mile mark, I'm not exactly sure how I will finish my first marathon in October.

I have my friend and seasoned runner Michelle to thank for getting me up at the crack of dawn for our long runs and knowing exactly what routes to take and how I should train.  I absolutely love my early morning trail runs up Bells' Canyon, even if those first switchbacks are ruthless, it's worth the views and fresh air.

And if it weren't for my sister Jenna, who encouraged me to attempt a marathon, I would never have accomplished this little milestone.

Here's to 26.2 and to keeping all my major joints intact :-).

Can we just go rest??

Yep, that would be Caroline's midday question today when I enthusiastically asked her, "so friend, what do you want to do now?"  Apparently it's been awhile since Caroline last took a vacation with her mom.  A "vacation" for me means I finally get to do all the things I wish I could do everyday but don't because "mom duties" come first, OR,  everything I wish I could do when the sun is shining!  SO, when I get to leave Utah during it's least appealing (i.e. downright ugly brown, melting snow, dead tree branches, muddy, bleah, etc.) then my vacation consists of waking at the crack of dawn, not missing out on any opportunity to be active, and then staying outside until you need a headlamp to continue :-).

Our day today:  rise and shine early for a brisk walk around the resort, visit the tennis club to reserve courts (YES, outdoor), go see the flamingos (that were still sleeping), and stroll along the golf course with the morning's first golfers.  Then it was back to the condo for breakfast and a quick run to the store for sunscreen (that I forgot) and treats, then back to change and head over to the courts for 1 1/2 hours of tennis with my girl, then back for lunch and off to the pool to relax (now Caroline, this is rest time!).

So, it was after a few hours of swimming and reading at the pool when I asked my question and Caroline wanted to go "rest" - which I think means "can we just go do 'nothing'?" - i.e. relax in the condo and maybe watch tv??  I'm thinking: "hmmm, that's not part of the plan . . . we MUST sqeeze every last activity into this beautiful 80 degree day!"  But, alas, it is her vacation too, so we came in from the sun, made nachos, and watched part of "Spiderman" on tv . . . before it was time to get back in tennis clothes for our 5:30pm court time :-).

We're loving it and we couldn't have hit better weather and it feels oh, so good to have the sun shining down on our pale winter skin.  Tomorrow we head over to the tournament and after checking the schedule I don't think Caroline will have any desire to come back and hang out.

The view from our patio - the distant mountains are always my favorite.

But then again, she may want to come back and take a nap since I've scheduled a 7am court for us in the morning . . .

Resolutions?

Yep, New Year's resolutions - made some that I thought were pretty great.  Thought I would tackle some of my inner weaknesses, well guess what?  ALL bets are off when that perfect storm has been brewing for a week and is finally unleashed . . . ok, yes, you got it, that optimistic, cheerful, happy thing that rarely lets anything bother . . . um, ya, today I turned into "don't get close to me or I'll bite your head off" psycho lady.

It was purely self loathing.  Self pity for the squishy belly that suddenly appeared, for the lovely cellulite that's multiplying and replenishing on my thighs from all the junk I've put into my body the past few weeks, and for not having the drive get my sorry self out for an intense workout.  Today was going to be "the day" - the day to get out and do something active . . . well, I forgot about a PTA meeting I had to go to (only to face the principal's disappointment that I messed up on a project), then it was finishing the Christmas clean-up, then it was laundry, then it was kids . . .

SO, after barely squeezing into my favorite jeans yesterday + not working out seriously for over a MONTH + gorging myself with every holiday treat in sight (dang my aunt's homemade chocolates) + drinking coke (which i never do) + the inversion + "that time of month" + my sassy kids + feeling like I have no "me" time to actually get out and exercise = the version of Julie that probably has offended everyone within earshot - my kids, my friends, the neighbors, strangers, the neighbor's dog . . . you get the picture.

SIGH . . . the good news is that when i finally connected with Chris on the phone today at 6pm and he asked "how's your day been?" I didn't hesitate to say, "honestly, it stunk - ugh, lousy day, I think it's because I haven't had a good workout in ages."  Thank goodness I said what I felt, thank goodness I didn't say "fine, it's been fine," which normally I would do and just deal with it, because he said, "GO - tonight - take as much time as you need, I'll take care of the kids."

And I did - even if it was just running at a lousy 10 minute pace for 3.5 miles on a treadmill - I was sweating, my heart was racing, my face was red, and it felt OH, SO GOOD.  Tomorrow morning I have a tennis workout which I haven't been to since before Thanksgiving, and I'm going running afterward, Friday I'm skiing with Sophie, and if I'm not skiing with the big kids on Saturday, I'll be on my new snowshoes up the Quarry Trail in Little Cottonwood . . .

Life is good again.  My sincerest apologies if any of you experienced my wrath first hand today, I'm still not perfect, even if at times I think I am :-).