Yep, New Year's resolutions - made some that I thought were pretty great. Thought I would tackle some of my inner weaknesses, well guess what? ALL bets are off when that perfect storm has been brewing for a week and is finally unleashed . . . ok, yes, you got it, that optimistic, cheerful, happy thing that rarely lets anything bother . . . um, ya, today I turned into "don't get close to me or I'll bite your head off" psycho lady.
It was purely self loathing. Self pity for the squishy belly that suddenly appeared, for the lovely cellulite that's multiplying and replenishing on my thighs from all the junk I've put into my body the past few weeks, and for not having the drive get my sorry self out for an intense workout. Today was going to be "the day" - the day to get out and do something active . . . well, I forgot about a PTA meeting I had to go to (only to face the principal's disappointment that I messed up on a project), then it was finishing the Christmas clean-up, then it was laundry, then it was kids . . .
SO, after barely squeezing into my favorite jeans yesterday + not working out seriously for over a MONTH + gorging myself with every holiday treat in sight (dang my aunt's homemade chocolates) + drinking coke (which i never do) + the inversion + "that time of month" + my sassy kids + feeling like I have no "me" time to actually get out and exercise = the version of Julie that probably has offended everyone within earshot - my kids, my friends, the neighbors, strangers, the neighbor's dog . . . you get the picture.
SIGH . . . the good news is that when i finally connected with Chris on the phone today at 6pm and he asked "how's your day been?" I didn't hesitate to say, "honestly, it stunk - ugh, lousy day, I think it's because I haven't had a good workout in ages." Thank goodness I said what I felt, thank goodness I didn't say "fine, it's been fine," which normally I would do and just deal with it, because he said, "GO - tonight - take as much time as you need, I'll take care of the kids."
And I did - even if it was just running at a lousy 10 minute pace for 3.5 miles on a treadmill - I was sweating, my heart was racing, my face was red, and it felt OH, SO GOOD. Tomorrow morning I have a tennis workout which I haven't been to since before Thanksgiving, and I'm going running afterward, Friday I'm skiing with Sophie, and if I'm not skiing with the big kids on Saturday, I'll be on my new snowshoes up the Quarry Trail in Little Cottonwood . . .
Life is good again. My sincerest apologies if any of you experienced my wrath first hand today, I'm still not perfect, even if at times I think I am :-).
5 comments:
Oh, but you ARE perfect, my friend--perfectly, wonderfully, angelic, and yes, even HUMAN Julie! Yes, I know just what you are talking about, and thankfully you document the moments that you aren't so proud of too. It gives the rest of us peace with our challenging moments, too. You are the best!
Dang yes! Peggy's chocolates got to me too :) Everyone has days, weeks and even YEARS like this. I've been in a funk too--feeling severly inadequate as a mom, a researcher, a runner, a wife, etc...you get the picture.
BUT it will pass! Put a big red circle around the first Sat. in October, lace up those running shoes whenever you can and we'll go from there...
Love ya
Jen
How is it that even your depressed and angry posts can make me smile and giggle? : )
Good for Chris... that was the PERFECT response.
Think of me in Cancun while you're snowshoeing!
wow julie, you are human! who knew? somehow though, I'm not seeing 'psycho lady' coming from you... nope, can't even picture it. see you sat!
I have way too many days that I could do a "cut & paste" of this post. Rob usually has the perfect response too. Exercise is definitely my anti-depressant of choice. :) I need to go buy myself some snowshoes...
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