Yep, New Year's resolutions - made some that I thought were pretty great. Thought I would tackle some of my inner weaknesses, well guess what? ALL bets are off when that perfect storm has been brewing for a week and is finally unleashed . . . ok, yes, you got it, that optimistic, cheerful, happy thing that rarely lets anything bother . . . um, ya, today I turned into "don't get close to me or I'll bite your head off" psycho lady.
It was purely self loathing. Self pity for the squishy belly that suddenly appeared, for the lovely cellulite that's multiplying and replenishing on my thighs from all the junk I've put into my body the past few weeks, and for not having the drive get my sorry self out for an intense workout. Today was going to be "the day" - the day to get out and do something active . . . well, I forgot about a PTA meeting I had to go to (only to face the principal's disappointment that I messed up on a project), then it was finishing the Christmas clean-up, then it was laundry, then it was kids . . .
SO, after barely squeezing into my favorite jeans yesterday + not working out seriously for over a MONTH + gorging myself with every holiday treat in sight (dang my aunt's homemade chocolates) + drinking coke (which i never do) + the inversion + "that time of month" + my sassy kids + feeling like I have no "me" time to actually get out and exercise = the version of Julie that probably has offended everyone within earshot - my kids, my friends, the neighbors, strangers, the neighbor's dog . . . you get the picture.
SIGH . . . the good news is that when i finally connected with Chris on the phone today at 6pm and he asked "how's your day been?" I didn't hesitate to say, "honestly, it stunk - ugh, lousy day, I think it's because I haven't had a good workout in ages." Thank goodness I said what I felt, thank goodness I didn't say "fine, it's been fine," which normally I would do and just deal with it, because he said, "GO - tonight - take as much time as you need, I'll take care of the kids."
And I did - even if it was just running at a lousy 10 minute pace for 3.5 miles on a treadmill - I was sweating, my heart was racing, my face was red, and it felt OH, SO GOOD. Tomorrow morning I have a tennis workout which I haven't been to since before Thanksgiving, and I'm going running afterward, Friday I'm skiing with Sophie, and if I'm not skiing with the big kids on Saturday, I'll be on my new snowshoes up the Quarry Trail in Little Cottonwood . . .
Life is good again. My sincerest apologies if any of you experienced my wrath first hand today, I'm still not perfect, even if at times I think I am :-).