Thursday, February 10, 2011

Not so great mom

Alright, I figured it's about time I let you in on a secret.  There are days when I stink as the mom, yep, really mess things up, and today I my kids clearly thought I'd be a great candidate for "worst mom EVER."

I think it's the guilt.  Guilt for not whisking Liza out of her first grade classroom months ago, and now regretting the lost weeks she has been required to spend in a windowless, dreary school with too many kids stuck in a tiny classroom with a teacher who doesn't believe in letting kids "read ahead" or do any math homework for fear that they will "know more" than the other students.

We pulled her out today and will begin homeschooling in the afternoons.  I should have moved her into a different school when I had the chance back in October, but thought things would get better and that I shouldn't be so hasty.  We tried to switch schools at the Christmas break, but unfortunately the classes were full, so this is my compromise.  She still will go to school in the morning because the class is smaller and after today's experiment, I know I'm not prepared or qualified to have her home all day.

So, with the massive weight of "not being more aware of my child's needs" plaguing me, I added more flames to my guilt fire and systematically offended each of my kids today.  Good one.

Here's the run-down:   anger at the school combined with frustration that Liza hasn't progressed much, led to unwarranted impatience as we were working on counting money (oh ya, and my neighbor came over right in the middle of it . . . always great to hear, "is everything ok" when you answer the door - ugh).  Nice.  Next victim, Ryan . . . I said something that made it sound like I didn't trust him (NEVER let your trustworthy teen think you don't trust them - ugh).  Good one Julie.  Next victim, Sophie . . . who came home from school excited to share the news of the day and all I did was nag about her completed math assignment she forgot to take to school.  Lovely.  Next victim, Caroline . . . I flipped out when she and Sophie let the dog out without supervision and it ran over to the neighbors, almost got hit by a car, and then pooped on the neighbor's lawn (immediately telling Caroline now she was responsible for that mess).  Just wonderful, did I forget anyone?

Alright, there you go, my less than stellar day of mothering.  I did apologize to everyone and my favorite response came from Caroline when she told me, "you can't just freak out like that and then say I'm sorry and act all happy like everything is normal again."  Um, yes I can Caroline, that's what I do :-).

Just so you all don't think I'm completely deserving of the award for the worst mom, we did make it to the store to pick out the little girls' Valentines, and I did manage to make a yummy curry/chicken/couscous dinner (guilt: not eating together, but rather everyone just grabbed a plate dished a serving straight from the stove and sat wherever - sigh).  And most importantly, they all received a big hug and heartfelt explanation that it was just a hard day and I'll try better next time.  Then I accompanied Chris to the first round of the state playoff hockey championships to cheer on our son . . . bonus, they won!

The good news is that tomorrow is a new day and I'll have a clean slate once again.


Michelle said...

I love the cartoons! I don't know a single mom who couldn't relate to this post. I'm always relieved to know that I'm not the only one with mom mistakes and guilt. Luckily for your kids, this is the exception, not the rule. You are definitely a way cool mom. But thanks for making the rest of us feel better. :) Hope today is a great one!

Kristin said...

Oh Julie. Your problem is that your such a stellar mother all the time, that one off day really stands out. MY kids think those kind of days are just normal, and are hardly even bothered by my outbursts of screaming and yelling. Honestly.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Melissa said...

I'm with Kristin on this one. I'm afraid that these days come a little too frequently around here. ANd like Michelle said, it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one having those bad Mom days.

Jenna Tilt said...

oh Julie! I think ANY parent who is halfway honest with his or her self feels this way at sometime or another. I feel inadequate on a daily basis--with the kids, with work, etc....

You're right--tomorrow is another day. Hugs till then :)

Julie said...

Thanks all for your comments and encouragement - it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way! What would life be without awesome mom friends?? xoxo

{ bRee } said...

I love the quote from Anne of Green Gables :
"Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it"
I remind myself of this ALL the time and tell my little love the same when there is a hard day around here! I appreciate how quick my family is to forgive and even more to forget.