Liza, our nonconformist

Liza doesn't just march to the beat of a different drummer . . . she marches to the beat of an entirely different band.  I find her nonconformity charming and entertaining, unfortunately, her 1st grade teacher isn't quite sure how to handle our little day dreamer.  Really, Liza is in her own little world during school and it does take some effort to keep her focused, but it doesn't seem to phase her at all since her mind is conjuring up the next art project or make-believe game she and her little friends will play at recess.

I'll never forget last holiday season while in kindergarten, I was helping in the classroom and the teacher put these giant gingerbread men paper cutouts on each child's desk.  In the middle of the tables were markers, buttons, ric rac, etc. to decorate their cutouts.  As I was walking around helping the children, I noticed Liza's project was turning into something quite different from the others . . . it wasn't a gingerbread man or anything close to it.  When I looked closely, Liza had made hers into a rabbit (holding a carrot in one hand and an egg in the other).  I said, "Liza, you know we're all making gingerbread men, right?"  She didn't even look up at me and replied, "Oh, I know, I don't want to be like everyone else, so I'm making mine the Easter Bunny."  And yes, during the holidays our hallway was decorated with Liza's bunny :-).

Here are a few more Liza creations for your viewing pleasure:

The kids drew an outline of an acorn and they were to make it into a face . . . Liza decided to make hers into a frightened alien who dropped his books while running from a giant monster.

We're really happy she has so much self confidence . . . ahhhh, it must be the backward Z that is preventing her from "start student" status!

Expressing her elation that she's not in school . . . again, more aliens.

Hmmm, maybe a career as an illustrator?

Liza's latest attempt at nonconformity (sorry, I couldn't flip this pic) . . .

she has decided that since we are true blue BYU fans, she will wear RED and become a loyal Utah supporter, as you can see by her words, "I cheer for UTAH, it makes me happy not sad, BYU makes me sad." 

Traitor.

Inner peace

I just had to share what I thought were some incredible insights during a conversation with my yoga teacher this week.  I began studying Kundalini Yoga just over a month ago when a friend of mine opened a studio in her home.  The class I attend is taught by her lovely mother whom I just adore because of her positive and peaceful nature.  This is my first experience with Kundalini Yoga, whose main focus is meditation, breath, and mantras rather than the physical poses (like Hatha, Vinyasa or Ashtanga yoga).  I've attended yoga classes on and off for almost 10 years now, but ever since my experience in India with a yogi, I haven't seemed to find a class or practice I can embrace . . . until now.

The way I feel both physically and mentally after an hour and a half of Kundalini is unbelievable, and I've started to practice on my own a few minutes every morning in an attempt keep that calming influence with me throughout the day.  Anyway, back to our conversation . . . she was explaining this inner peace that our souls yearn for and how this practice awakens the chakras and helps keep us centered and balanced.  We began discussing how to hold on to that calm and not let anything or anyone disturb that peace and cause imbalance.

The key is truly in the breath and realizing how much power is held in something so simple.  She went on to explain how some people with conflicting energy (usually negative) who don't or just haven't learned how to tap into this inner peace and calm within themselves unconsciously make one of two choices:  their souls seek solace so they are attracted to those who have positive energy and who embody an inner self confidence because it helps diffuse the opposite energy and restore balance, OR their negative energy completely rejects the opposing energy and instead of attraction, conflict arises and they unconsciously "fight or battle" with the other person, who by nature is peaceful and positive.  After hearing this, it was like a light went on, especially since I've been struggling with someone who carries so much negativity within and I felt my true nature suffering because of hurtful interactions.  My teacher concluded by repeating a mantra when you find yourself in opposition with one of these souls:  "I have compassion for you and the energy within, and my hope is that you will one day feel the peace that is within me."

Isn't that just beautiful?  I actually find that my yoga practice heightens my spirituality as well, so while dwelling on this conversation I thought of pride and it's definition as "enmity (or conflict) with another" and that when I judge, focus on being right, refuse to forgive, or let my ultra competitive side take over, I am essentially creating conflict, not embracing humility, and therefore not allowing my positive energy to thrive and create peace, which at its core is love.  We cannot love others as we should when there is conflict, it's just that simple.  I cannot extend love to my family, friends, or even strangers when I'm dwelling on an offense or regretting an impulsive reaction to something negative.  However, when I remember this inner stillness that I feel during yoga, or that I feel while listening to absolute truths when the spirit whispers peace to my soul, I am truly the person I am at my core, the real me, and it's a liberating feeling.

During my scripture study discussion this week, I highlighted Elder Neil L. Anderson's touching conference talk and found this excerpt profound: 

In our weakened moments, the adversary seeks to steal our spiritual promises.  If we are not watchful, our injured, childlike spirit will retreat back into the cold, dark crust of our former bloated ego, leaving behind the warm, healing light of the Savior.  When Parley P. Pratt, in 1835, was judged unfairly, bringing embarrassment and shame to him and his family, the Prophet Joseph Smith counseled:

"Parley . . . walk such things under your feet . . .

and God Almighty shall be with you."

What a beautiful reminder said so eloquently by a prophet of God, and I am determined to live each day striving for peace, inner stillness, and especially the light of the Savior as I "walk such things under my feet."

"I don't want to hear it!"

I can't speak for everyone out there, and I'm really not sure how much of the "he said/she said/he did/she did . . ." nonsense and tattling goes on in your families, but it's reaching new heights in the Cantera household.  So I'm back to making the kids WRITE their grievances so we can discuss them when the heat of battle is over.  I have to admit, this tactic is great way to diffuse the war zone because the opposing parties have to sit, breathe, and write out their thoughts.  And the best part is that I don't have to referee while listening to their continuous complaints about each other, but rather smile while reading their notes (see this post for some amusing complaints from Sophie a few years back).  It is mostly Liza and Sophie who are constantly bent out of shape over some percieved injustice inflicted by another sibling, so I just look at the bright side, which is the entertainment value these scraps of paper provide.

A few notes from this weekend . . .

TRANSLATION:  Sophie said Caroline said I was being annoying, and then Sophie said I was being annoying, but I wasn't, but I wanted to look at American Girl Doll books but they wouldn't . . . 
(I'm thinking "let me" might have come next if she had room).

On the back:
I had a bad morning.

From Sophie, a few days earlier:

Hopefully they'll see the humor in a few years :-).

HALLOWEEN '10

Halloween Memories

• Carving pumpkins and roasting pumpkin seeds
• Digging through the memory filled costume boxes with the kids to find that "perfect" costume for this year and trying to figure out how to fulfill Liza's wish to be the "Target Dog," until she decided she wanted to be a witch again . . . phew.
• YW/YM activity - bowling in costume with the kids from the "hood."
• Elementary school Halloween parade
• Neighborhood costume party at the Farnsworth's (no kids :-).
• Primary Halloween party with the Burmese primary children
• Scarrots!!  Yes, my clever idea of a healthy Halloween treat for trick-or-treaters (found in the produce section - individual packages of baby carrots in cool Halloween wrapping) wasn't as well received by my family as orignally thought, but sure made for a good laugh and a lot of teasing!  In the end we figured our guests would rather have cookies.
• HALLOWEEN NIGHT: trick-or-treating with the little girls, first dodging the rain in our little neighborhood, but then enjoying a most perfect evening watching the kids run through the leaves from house to house, chatting with friends and neighbors while sipping hot chocolate around a fire at the Lundbergs, and just LOVING the fresh canyon "after rain" scent permeating the cool night air . . . ahhhh my favorite, then coming home and dumping out candy, jumping into warm pjs and cuddling on the couch to watch "Harry Potter."  Such a fun, yet exhausting night . . . can't wait for next year!

Sophie and Liza before school on parade day

Ryan and ward friends at their party . . . and yes, that is our YM president as Superman - love it!

Maddie and Caroline at the party (sans the wigs)

With friend Jen at the neighborhood party . . . yes, that is part of Sophie's costume ;-).

Before trick-or-treating

All set to head out in the rain with our friends

The two pirates collecting their booty!

Spooky night . . .

Keeping warm at the Lundbergs - neighborhood pit-stop for doughnuts and hot chocolate

Liza and best friend Gracie

Traditional final stop before heading home . . . THE HOGGANS!

and so it is with life . . .

"You learn much more from a flop than a hit, because it's hard to learn anything when everyone is praising you to the skies on those opening nights when everything is going well."

~ Oscar Hammerstein (1895-1960) ~

I heard this quoted the other day while listening to a story on NPR about the life of Oscar Hammerstein.  It grabbed my attention because I thought, "that is so true . . . I learn much more about myself when I really screw things up and someone witnesses me at my worst, but then with patience and forgiveness, allows me to grow from the experience."

It is wonderful when others appreciate and adore you because they always see you at your best, but it's truly something when those you've let down still love you despite your weaknesses and shortcomings.  I know my life is filled with fabulous "opening nights" as well as many "flops" and I'm so grateful for an audience that still appreciates and supports my occasional flawed performance :-).

Thank you God for the beauty of last week.

In my element.  Really, what more can a girl ask for than a pair of hiking shoes, a camelback, and a some time for meditation, exercise, and bonding with friends while wandering through our majestic mountains in their full autumnal splendor??

Not much.

Sing to me

Many evenings after singing the girls their goodnight song, I think to myself, "I should really write about this tradition before they have outgrown our bedtime ritual . . ."  So, when tonight's request became I See the Moon (we all know this is the only song accepted on a night with a bright harvest moon shining through their window), I knew as I tucked my little ones under grandma's quilts and turned off the light and left them cozy and secure in bed, it was the perfect night to finally preserve these memories.

Our songs have evolved over time to include a small repertoire of a few simple melodies on the girls' "most requested" list.  When Ryan was little, we stuck to primary songs and basic nursery rhymes since that was the extent of my knowledge when it came to children's music.  Caroline garnered a little more excitement at bedtime when we could sing Kindermusik tunes together, and her favorite "Annie" lyrics over and over (I'll never forget her only request, Maybe, every night for months on end when she was four years old).

I guess I have never forgotten my mother singing to me every night before she tucked me in, and there must have been something so comforting in that memory to have continued the ritual with my own children.  I can't say for sure when I, or my older children outgrew the songs,  possibly around age 10, but I am hopeful that this tradition will live on as they become parents and long to once again feel the comfort of a lullaby.

So, tonight, while I'm feeling nostalgic about my own childhood memories of my mother singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, and wanting to preserve the lyrics and melodies of my children's bedtime songs, here are our favorites . . .

I See the Moon
I see the moon, and the moon sees me
God bless the moon, and God bless me
Oooohhh, ooohhh, ooohhh, ooh, ooh, ooh

The light of the moon shines down from above
The light of the moon shines on the ones I love
Oooohhh, ooohhh, ooohh . . . .
(from a recording of lullabies, sung by Joan Baez)

Goodnight my Sophie and Elizabeth
Goodnight my Sophie and Elizabeth, goodnight my dears
Sleep tight my Sophie and Elizabeth, sleep tight my loves
The stars are shining so bright above . . .
Goodnight, my Sophie and Elizabeth, Goodnight . . .
(adapted from "Goodnight my Someone," The Music Man)

Where Shall We Go?
Oh, Sophie and Elizabeth, where shall we go?
The world's such a very big place you must know . . .
To see all its wonders the wise people say,
Will take us forever a year and a day . . .
(adapted from "Oh, Rocking Horse" - Sophie's favorite Kindermusik song when she was a toddler

Spider's Web
It's a web like a spider's web; made of silver, light and shadow
Spun by the light of the moon at night.
It's a web made to catch a dream, hold it fast 'til I awaken,
As if to tell me the dream is of you.

It's a web . . . like a spider's web . . .
Spun by the light of the moon at night.
It's a web . . . made to catch a dream . . .
As if to tell me the dream is of you.
(YW girls camp song - Edgemont 21st ward)

You are my Sunshine
You are my Sunshine(s), my only sunshine(s),
You make me happy, when skies are gray . . .

You'll never know dear(s) how much I love you.

Please don't take my Sunshine(s) away.
(no need to explain this song, just one of our favorites)

Ladybug, Ladybug
Ladybug, Ladybug, fly away home
Your house is on fire and your children are gone,
All except one, her name is Sophie Ann . . .
She crept under the pudding pan.
Butterfly, Butterfly
Butterfly, Butterfly, fly away home
Your house is on fire and your children are gone,
All except one, her name is Liza Jane . . .
She flew under the window pane.

(thanks to Mother Goose for her "Ladybug, Ladybug" rhyme, which we added our personal melody and new lyrics to match Sophie and Liza's nicknames).

Morning hike

We thought last weekend was beautiful, but the canyons this weekend have been simply magnificent, unreal, and bursting with color! I just can't get enough of days like today,and unfortunately we didn't have our camera to capture the
blazing leaves and gorgeous mountainside on our hike up to the reservoir, but Sophie reminded me of the phone so we did manage to get a couple so-so pictures.  Leaving our trailhead behind will truly be the hardest part of moving (if it ever even happens).

Thanks girls for a most splendid Saturday morning hike.  How blessed we are to live amongst such overwhelming beauty.  Tomorrow: family hike up RED PINES!!

Oh, Glorious Fall

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it,
and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth
seeking the successive autumns."

George Eliot

Ahhh, autumn . . . the past week Mother Nature has been our best friend.  The canyons are filled with color, the sky's brilliant blue so unique to this season has been ever present, and the temperatures could not be more perfect . . . crisp and cool in the mornings and evening, yet oh, so warm in the late afternoons.

It's when as darkness falls, George Winston's Thanksgiving beckons to be played on the piano and brings such peace and stillness into our home as the little girls drift off to sleep.  Since I was a teenager and heard Winston's albums played for the first time I have always associated this glorious season with these beautiful piano arrangements.  Playing his music this time of year just warms my soul and I seem to find myself on the piano bench practically every evening, getting lost in the beauty of his calming melodies. 

We also make sure we take time to drive up the canyon on Sunday afternoons before all the leaves have fallen.  The kids look forward to this tradition every year and this past Sunday we invited Chris' mom and his brother David who was in town to join us for a walk through the woods and then back home to one of our favorite fall dinners waiting on the stove . . . homemade clam chowder.  I wouldn't have wanted to spend an afternoon any other way :-)

Little Cottonwood Sunday late afternoon

Good-bye Grandma Jean

As I've been gathering my thoughts together for my grandmother's memorial service tomorrow, I wanted to share a few of my favorite memories of my dear "Grandma Jean" . . .

Backyard picnics, words of encouragement, laughter, "Robinson's Sporting Goods," testimony, support, generosity, travel, dancing, BYU, Judge Booth home, hard work, Christmas mornings, KFC, music, stories, tenderness, friendship, guidance, love . . .

Grandma loved my mom and my brother and sister, she adored my kids, and thought the world of Chris.  She constantly encouraged me to be my best, always telling me how fabulous I was (even if, on many occasions I felt less than stellar) . . . and in her later years, her eyes would fill with tears, reflecting her tender spirit, while she told me how what a  wonderful mother I had become and what beautiful, smart, and amazing children I was raising.  We were literally perfect in her eyes and I know my kids enjoyed hearing how handsome and pretty they are.  She thought so highly of all of us - bursting with pride when she mentioned her daughter, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren to anyone within earshot.

It was my grandmother's generosity that always took care of my latest fashion needs in Jr. High and High School every Christmas.  It was a trust fund set up by my grandparents that paid for my college tuition and allowed me to travel abroad to Europe to study for a semester.  And it was my grandma who wanted to take me to the British Isles for my high school graduation - just the two of us, sharing in the experience.  She was always aware of me, she never failed to drop a note in the mail or call to see how I was doing, which many times I doubt I showed my appreciation, but she understood youth and was so patient while I matured.  I don't know if I adequately expressed my gratitude to her while she was still with us, but somehow I would hope she knew how much everything she did meant to me, and how much her example has made me who I am today.

Every summer, starting when we were about 12, we would go down to American Fork and spend a week with grandma and help work in the store.  I loved it, loved working behind the counter and feeling grown-up while I wrote out hunting or fishing licenses or helped customers find what they needed.  This pic was taken when I was about 15 or 16.

My trip to the British Isles with grandma - we had such a good time . . . my first time out of the country!

Thanks for the memories, I am a better person because I had you in my life.

Click here for the obituary.



Marathon

May the running gods be with me . . . or at least my grandmother's spirit. My sweet grandma waited for my brother and I to arrive in St. George this morning so we could say good-bye with my sister and our parents before she passed away. It was a beautiful, precious experience I'll hold close to my heart for the rest of my life.

So, with the passing of my grandma earlier today, and yesterday spent with a close friend who is dealing with the devastation that her marriage is ending, I am emotionally spent. However, my enegy is high, I want to RUN, and even if I will be running this marathon on a wing and a prayer - just hoping the KT tape will keep my ITB stable, it's just what I need - time to reflect on life, family, and the people I hold most dear.

Thanks grandma for your love and support.

Celebrating finishing my first 26.2 with my mom and sister . . .