"Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us

if we do not love it enough."

Garrison Keillor

Bal-ance [bal-uh ns]:

mental steadiness or emotional stability;

habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.

"Finding balance," "needing balance," "out of balance," "feeling balanced". . . phrases that, if you know me, know I use on a regular basis. You would think I'm a tight-rope walker or something! Speaking of tight-rope walking, you've got to see this movie, we watched it last night as a family and the kids were mesmorized, they loved it (just be ready to jump up in front of the TV during the silly, oh so French, moment in the hotel room ;-).

OK, back to the thought at hand. Last week I was feeling very out of balance, needing something to equalize my energy and I knew exactly what was missing, what I needed, and how as each day passed, I could not find the hour or two that it would take to calm my soul and restore peace. It was the week before Sophie's birthday, the last week of July, and the weekend before was our family trip at the Lake. I was on edge, I could feel it, and the strangest part is that during this time of year my consciousness knows and is fully aware that it's the most beautiful time of year in our canyons and it is exactly where I'm supposed to be. So when I can't get there, I'm not myself.

I finally made it happen. The morning of Sophie's birthday I went trail running to jump start the weekend and thankfully made it back before the birthday girl woke up. The next day I grabbed the girls and hiked Big Cottonwood knowing full well the wildflowers were in bloom and crossing my fingers we hadn't missed the best of them. Plus, just the smell of fresh pine, the sound of rushing water, and the surrounding beauty would restore balance to anyone. The following day the entire family visited Albion Basin where the flowers and mountains in the evening were absolutely stunning. Then two days later I took the little girls up for an evening hike on the quarry trail and was in awe as the setting sun reflected it's warm glow through the aspens on those towering granite walls.

Breathtaking, energizing, rejuvenating, liberating . . .

Balanced once again.

Special Day

"He that is baptized in my name, to him will the Father give the Holy

Ghost, like unto me; wherefore, follow me, and do the things which ye have seen me do."

2 Nephi 31:12

I wanted to take a few minutes this morning to reflect on Sophie's baptism that will take place later this afternoon. For those not familiar with our faith, the day a child is baptized at age eight is truly an important day in their life and the lives of those who love them.
We are so proud of Sophie, what a light she is, and what a privilege it is to have her in our home. She has always had such a strong spirit about her which I have no doubt will lead her to accomplish great things in the future. We are all looking forward to her baptism and confirmation, and sharing this day with our family and friends.

Side Note: Some of you who received the invitation were curious about where I had it designed. Follow THIS LINK for more information. I was very pleased!

Tugged at my heartstrings . . .

By now everyone out there knows how I'm struggling with my kids growing up. How just the other day, I made Liza stand against the wall while I marked her height with a pencil and told her she absolutely CANNOT pass that line. How everytime Ryan stands next to me I'm relieved to see that I don't have to look UP to talk to him, not quite yet. And how, I smile inside every day I can still pick up Sophie and Liza, swing them in the air, and smother them with kisses and hugs, knowing full well that I only have a few short years to do so.

I am desperately trying to hold on to each moment, and it seems things are just speeding up rather than slowing down. Sooo, with keeping my recent emotional hang-ups in mind, it was no wonder the flood gates opened this evening while at the theater (I had taken Ryan and Caroline to see the latest Harry Potter) watching this trailer. It's too bad I wasn't able to embed into the blog, but take a minute to watch - it's beautiful.

So, there I am watching the opening previews with tears streaming down my face remembering the days when Ryan would beg to have us read this story just "one more time" before bedtime. How he would recite outloud with us: "and they roared their terrible roars, and rolled their terrible eyes, and gnashed their terrible teeth!" And how he would anxiously wait to verbalize the one word just for him . . . "and they cried, 'oh please don't go, we'll eat you up we love you so,' and Max said, 'NO!'" We would pause for a moment after "Max said . . . " and Ryan would shout out NO! with as much emotion as his 3-year old heart could muster.

Those are the memories that hit with such force tonight while the trailer was playing that I couldn't help leaning over and patting Ryan's knee and whispering to him, "remember how much you LOVED that book?" I could barely get out the words and was ready for Ryan to give me that look of "oh brother, don't tell me you're crying Mom!" But, I think he was as touched as I was because he just nodded and said, "yes, I remember."

It's GReaT to be EiGHt!

Our Miss Sophie celebrated her 8th Birthday last Friday, July 31st - what a happy day for Soph! I really cannot believe our little girl is growing up so quickly into such a bright, beautiful, intelligent "big" girl. I still vividly remember the day she was born - everything about that morning and how we didn't know her gender and thought for sure she was a boy because it felt like I had a linebacker inside! We are so blessed to have her in our family, even with that feisty spirit about her.

Sophie loves to feel special, she thrives on any extra attention we can give her, so for her birthday it was a pleasure to watch her truly so happy because it was her day to choose the activities, to have the special breakfast, to pick the restaurant for the special date with Mom and Dad, and to blow out the candles and unwrap presents. It was a wonderful day for Sophie and it warmed my heart to see her so full of life and anticipation. I'd be lying if I told you all she's our easiest child, or 2nd easiest, or even 3rd easiest . . . hmmm, guess that means she's our toughest . . . she's that one child that brings SO much joy into our life, but at the same time SO much grief. If you are remotely interested, you can catch a glimpse into Sophie's personality by glancing at this post, or this post.

That said, her birthday party with friends is still on hold. I've decided to hang on to the invitations until she's "earned" the party. One side of me really feels for her, because I get it, I get how easy it can be at times to overreact to situations and become frustrated with people (her siblings) so quickly. However, one rule in our home is that if we can't treat our sisters/brother like we would a friend, we don't get to play with friends. Soooo, the party has been on, then delayed, then back on, then postponed, then back on, and now it's postponed indefinitely until she can show me her inner strength by not losing her temper. *SIGH* I'm sure I'll hear about it in 20 years when she's explaining the reason why she's in therapy is because she never got that birthday party!

Sophie's Day - 8 years old

Lunch at her favorite spot - Salt City Burger Co.

Activity of choice - BOWLING

My beauties

Presents . . . so exciting!

A new Breyer collectable - thanks Liza!

"I guess if you're not going to get me a REAL horse, this is the next best thing!"

Eight candles - thanks Caroline for baking the cake :-).

Now, THIS is the Sophie we all love - nothing like trick candles to keep us laughing!

20 Years . . .

Has it really been 20 years since High School graduation? Twenty years since that magical summer of '89 . . . that last summer of my youth, the last summer I lived in the same house as my parents, the last summer I walked the quiet streets of my childhood neighborhood after dark talking and laughing with girlfriends, the last summer of complete freedom, the last summer driving aimlessly with the windows down and the music much too loud . . . the last summer of no responsibility??

Fast forward twenty years to the summer of 2009 . . . responsibility is now an understatement, long walks chatting with girlfriends is a guilty pleasure I relish rather than take for granted, and there is definitely no time to drive aimlessly or to have the music louder than is tolerable!

A couple of weeks ago we, the Bountiful High School class of '89 celebrated those 20 years, and I realized that although we've all grown up, we've also collectively experienced so much joy, pain, happiness, and heartache during those years of growing up. It was a beautiful experience. It seemed no one was afraid to mention the divorce, the separation, the lost job, the illness, the loneliness, the loss of a child or spouse, the fear of moving yet again, or the fear of what lies ahead. As much as I resent the word, we have become adults. However, for a couple of evenings we reminisced, laughed, and shared stories from years past that made each one of us feel young once again.

There is something to be said about those people who share your history, who knew you when you were 7, or 12, or 15 years old. We all seem to remember certain aspects of each other and when you see one another again after so many years, you have a clearer picture of who that person is and how much they really meant to you during those crucial years, and how much more they mean to you now. It was a wonderful weekend to reunite with old friends and classmates, and I am eternally grateful to Kristen and her committee for all the hours they put in to making it come together as beautifully as it did - thank you!

Click here for more fun pictures of the event!

My weakness

Expectations. Just something I've been thinking about today. I expect too much from people, especially those closest to me. Sometimes I am too hard on the people I love the most. That is my weakness. I found these quotes today - just something for me and others like me to ponder:

"The way to achieve happiness is to have a high standard for yourself,
and a medium one for everyone else."
- Marcelene Cox

"Because you're not what I would have you be, I blind myself to who, in truth, you are."
- Madeleine L'Engle

4 years

It was 4 years ago this past weekend that we moved from our quaint, humble neighborhood nestled in the Provo foothills to our home here in Little Cottonwood. Really, four years doesn't seem like that much time in the grand scheme of things, but when you have children, it can be a lifetime. I think the pictures say it all . . .

Our final picture at 2950 N. 650 E. - the home where each child was brought home as a newborn.

The first weekend at our new home, on the front porch - July 2005

Fast forward four years to the same front porch - July 2009.

It's been a wonderful journey watching my children grow up, but at the same time looking at these pictures and realizing that in another four years, July 2013, I'll have a child preparing for college, a 16-year old daughter beginning to date and drive, another daughter turning 12 and beginning the YW program, and realizing that my baby will begin 4th grade.

I think I'm going to cry.

I know, I'm slow . . .

but some things I guess are worth the wait! OK, so yes, my latest find (last post - Regina Spektor) apparently has been around for a few years, and yes, I just discovered her. Well, you'll laugh that my other latest find has been around for YEARS (35 to be exact) and although I've heard of it and had a vague idea that the program existed and could recognize the name and face of its writer, I've never actually listened to it. Well, a trip to the bookstore a couple of weeks ago changed all that when I noticed a clearance shelf of audio tapes and grabbed Garrison Keillor's 25th Anniversary A Prairie Home Companion Collection for $3.99 . . . 12 hours worth!

I'm hooked, I love the show because the monologues make me smile, the ancedotes make me laugh, cry, and think; I love Keillor's dry wit, his extraordinary writing, and most of all the feeling that Lake Wobegon is now part of my daily life . . . seriously, I think I'm going to have a sign near our front door that says:

Welcome to 9865 Alta Ridge

where all the women are strong,

all the men are good-looking,

and all the children are above average . . .

ART

Refreshing, quirky, talented, true, beautiful, poetic . . . I can't describe how I feel about my latest find - Regina Spektor. In the age of studio artists and glorified karaoke contests such as American Idol, it's indeed a breath of fresh air to find an artist that stays true to music and lyrics as a form of art. I think she's simply adorable and brilliant, and I can't get enough of her!

Comic relief

You all know how precocious our Elizabeth is, how utterly unreal some of the things are that escape her mouth, how family dinner time is literally a time for her stand-up comedy routines, and how she's the only five-year old we know who is obsessed with how teenagers become teenagers, or the fact that she might turn into a negro overnight, or the disgusting nature of "wiping" oneself.

To begin, let me explain that she is fascinated by the sudden appearance of body hair on Ryan. While at the pool a few weeks ago she was thrilled to tell everyone within earshot about her latest discovery: her brother's armpit hair. "Ryan, did you know you have hair growing under your arms? That's sooo gross . . . Mom, did you see Ryan's hair under his armpits . . . ewww, have you see all the hair on his legs . . . do girls get hair on under their arms and legs? . . . ok, so girls shave it off, but boys and dads get to keep it, right? . . . ok, so look at my legs, do I have hair, do I need to shave??!!" Seriously, she is obsessed and we haven't heard the end of it since swim season began, and now every time Ryan takes off his shirt, she immediately looks for the hair and informs anyone who will listen that it's still there. That is why I find this conversation we shared today so hilarious:

Liza: "Mom, you need to shave your armpits."

Me: "Yes Liza, you're right, I need to do that - I will when I take a shower this morning, thanks for the reminder."

Liza: "Ya, you better do it SOON because I really don't want a 'Momdad'?"

A "momdad" - nice one Liza, I suppose that means she doesn't want a manly mom - too much.


OK, next item of business, her obsession with turning into a negro. Yes, you heard it right, a black person, African American, whatever. It all started last weekend in St. George, when after our last day at the pool as she streaked through my parents' family room, both Ryan and Caroline pointed out that she was "black" - as in "you're so stinking tan that the contrast against your bright white butt makes your skin look SO dark." That's all it took, she went into hysterics, seriously, a complete tantrum (tears, screaming, etc.) that she didn't want to be "black" and that she shouldn't have stayed so long in the sun because now she is turning into a black person. I don't think we have ever laughed so hard - ever - it was absolutely the craziest, funniest thing I've ever experienced. Where that kid comes up with this stuff we'll never know, and she won't stop thinking about it either, every time she takes off her swimsuit she asks how close she is to becoming "black." You'll enjoy the conversation I had with her during sacrament meeting last Sunday:

Liza: (while reading the Friend magazine) "I think this little girl is what I'll end up looking like."

Me: (whispering) "Liza, for the 100th time, you're NOT going to turn into a black person!"

Liza: "Do you promise? Are you sure?"

Me: "Yes, I'm sure, will you stop with this already."

Liza: "OK, I think you're right, but I still need to not stay in the sun too long, just in case."

Alright, I just need to record this tidbit because it's just plain funny. Here's another enlightening conversation with our Elizabeth from a few months back:

Liza: "Mom, I want to be a horse."

Me: "Great Liza, a horse, why do you want to be a horse?" I'm thinking her answer would be something along the lines of: "I could jump and run through green pastures with the wind in my mane" or something quaint like that. Instead, this is what I got for an answer:

"So I won't have to wipe myself."

Go figure. Life would be so dull without this kid around!

Renewed

I went for a walk this evening with Caroline . . . this is what we saw, truly one of the most beautiful sunsets EVER. I'm renewed, refreshed, and strengthened. What is it about a breathtaking sunset, a walk through the neighborhood on a cool summer's evening, a conversation with a 12-year old, and coming home to mountains and stars that is so invigorating? I'm not exactly sure, but decided it needs to happen more often :-).

"Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts."

~ Rachel Carsen ~

"Words on Women & Strength"

This is a beautiful reminder of the power behind women and cherished friendships. A dear friend sent to me months ago and I was waiting for the right time to post it. After another evening spent among friends tonight, I feel so blessed to have these types of bonds in my life. The past 24 hours have been so uplifting, so beautiful. I am grateful to friends that inspire, friends that come to me for advice, friends that listen, friends that make me laugh, and especially friends that genuinely care about me and my family. That is why this tribute touches my heart - enjoy . . .

You've.been.on.my.mind.

Five simple words said out of genuine love and concern, one friend to another. Sometimes that's all it takes to relieve ourselves of a burden, a troubled mind, a heavy heart. My sincerest "thank-you" to a dear friend, a kindred spirit who lightened my soul today . . . you've been on my mind . . . how easy, how meaningful to those who struggle for a small moment, who lose sight of themselves, who need a connection.

Thanks friend for helping me feel myself once again.

So simple . . .

Yesterday. Perfect. Sun. Blue sky. Slight breeze. Time with my little girls. Time reading together on the back patio. Time for a walk, scooter, swings, basketball. Time to listen and laugh. Resting together. Swimming with Dad. Late night movie with friends . . . snuggling on the couch with my sweethearts. Yes, it is the simple things. Happy, happy summer's day!

My 12-year old

It was Caroline's 12th birthday on May 25th and I'm just now getting around to blogging about what a special, sweet, polite, kind, sincere . . . I could go on forever describing this girl! We are truly blessed to have Caroline in our life and I am so pleased with her optimism, helpfulness, and especially her sensitivity. She is a genuine friend to all who know her, and a very patient older sister to Sophie and Liza. In the 6th graduation poll, she was voted "happiest" out of all the 6th graders and I couldn't agree more. Caroline brightens the room with her smile and keeps us smiling ourselves with her witty remarks and laughter.

To celebrate of our very own "Sweet Caroline," here is a short video of our girl (unfortunately, I don't have any pics of her when she was tiny scanned, so I just used some from the past four years) . . .

Summer

Just for a season

no schedules, no plans, nowhere to be

listen to the rain fall, smell the scent of fresh pine

late nights, night games, late-overs

time for each other, time to breathe

finding balance once again

seeking simplicity.

A few reminders

that the month of May is nothing to complain about . . .

1. Beautiful spring mornings

2. Spring Lacrosse

3. The view of the mountains during a lacrosse game

4. Healthy kids who can run and enjoy life to the fullest

5. The FUN RUN

6. Good friends and popcicles

7. Good friends, popcicles, and blue skies

8. Waterfalls

9. The 2nd grade opera

10. Mother's Day

11. Graduations

12. Celebrating with family

13. May flowers
14. Did I mention beautiful, stunning, bright, take your breath away mornings in the canyon?

Need a smile?

Chris sent this to me today and it's just one of those things that makes you grin ear to ear (he knows I'm a sucker for anything sweet and romantic) - enjoy!

May MADNESS . . .

Mother's Day pre-school program ~ 2nd Grade informance ~ soccer practices ~ soccer games ~ ballet dress-rehearsals ~ ballet performances ~ Elementary fun run ~ Student Body Officer elections ~ 6th grade country fair ~ field trips ~ 2nd grade Opera ~ Piano recital ~ Jr. tennis tournament ~ LAX practices ~ LAX games ~ Pre-school graduation program ~ 6th grade graduation party ~ school projects ~ awards ceremonies ~ Jr. High fun run ~ Caroline's 12th birthday ~ Temple celebration rehearsals & performance ~ Tennis league begins ~ club meetings ~ school fundraisers ~ teacher appreciation ~ yard work ~ last day of school . . . .

. . . wish us luck!

8 Things About Me . . .

OK, tag time - my friend Kathryn tagged me, so since these are always fun and if you're bored enough to actually read this, here goes . . .

8 Things I look forward to:

1. Being outside - whatever the activity
2. Time alone with Chris
3. Bedtime stories, songs, and silly kisses with the little girls
4. Connecting with friends
5. Listening to music on my i-pod while I do housework
6. Playing the piano when I have the house to myself
7. The last day of school and beginning of summer vacation!
8. The jetted tub at the end of a long day . . . candles, bath salts, steam, and the blinds open just enough to gaze up at the sky, stars, and mountains . . . AHHHH!!

8 Things I did yesterday:

1. Helped out at the annual "Fun Run" at the elementary school all morning.

2. Went to Sophie's 2nd grade class opera practice to play piano.

3. Worked in the yard for a couple of hours.

4. Cleaned the house with Ryan and Caroline in preparation of Chris' dad who is spending the weekend.

5. Received a little Mother's Day surprise in the mail from my mom - and hoping that she'll be happy with a phone call since I forgot to get anything in the mail early enough.

6. Met Kevin (Chris' brother) and the rest of the Cantera clan downtown for dinner to celebrate his graduation from the 'U' - Masters in History - way to go!

7. Found myself covered in throw-up on the drive home from said dinner (PF Changs - I'll leave the visuals up to my readers). Story: Liza said she wasn't feeling well, I had *thankfully* told my father-in-law to take the front seat, so I took her out of her seatbelt to cuddle with her and before we know it . . . . yep, disgusting. I think I've earned my stripes.

8. Enjoyed a BLISSFUL, long, relaxing, soak in the jetted tub after we had finally cleaned up the car, Liza, clothing, shoes, purse, phone, jewelry . . .

8 Things I wish I could do:

1. Rock climb well enough to have all the gear and actually know what I was doing.
2. Surf.
3. Follow through and finish projects I begin.
4. Write a book.
5. Be a wonderful gardener.
6. Stay organized.
8. Travel the world.

8 Shows I watch (amendment: I don't watch TV, really maybe once every 5 or 6 months . . . so, I'll write the last 8 movies or DVDs I watched):

1. Bolt
2. Twilight (dvd)
3. Slumdog Millionaire (dvd)
4. Mad Men (dvd) - ok, I guess this is tv :-).
5. Vicky Christina Barcelona (dvd)
6. No Country For Old Men (dvd)
7. Son of Rambow (dvd)
8. Meet the Parents (dvd)

8 people I want to know 8 things about

1. Jenna (because it's about time you put something on your blog!)
2. Joan
3. Michelle
4. Nancy
5. Kristin J. (I'm not letting you off the hook ;-)
6. Kristen R.
7. Brianna
8. Carrie

Liza's faith

This evening before we began eating dinner, Chris asked Liza to offer the prayer on the food. She was saying such a sweet, thoughtful prayer - asking a blessing on Grandma Pat on her mission, blessing the food, asking that we all be nice to each other, saying thanks for the nice day and her trip to the zoo (really, she was on a roll). Then, just as I was thinking what a spiritual pre-schooler I have, she ended the prayer with this bold statement: " . . . and please help me and Sophie eat really fast so that we can go back outside and play with our friends. Amen."

The rest of us were immediately in hysterics, and the poor girl just could not understand why her prayer was so entertaining. The frustration of our reaction to her plea for divine assistance in finishing her meal was clearly written all over her face. Then, literally 3 minutes later, after she had inhaled her plate of spaghetti, she announced: "SEE . . . my prayer worked, I'm done . . . can I go back outside now?"

I.am.SO.sore.

but ECSTATIC that I finished the race in a respectable time: 2:06:03. I ran the entire distance with an average pace of 9:38 and came in the top third of my age division (even with stopping for potty breaks). It really was so much fun, and kudos to Jenna for giving me that push to run my first 1/2 marathon because I would have never done it without her . . . the crowds, music, and constant chatter along the route actually made the race enjoyable. However, that last mile was the longest mile I have ever run in my entire life - Kathryn, you were right - my legs were begging for mercy and today I'm paying for it . . . my quads and calves are burning!

Now I really want to run another 1/2 and see what my time might be if I actually train for it beforehand. Who wants to meet me in Moab next march for their annual marathon - any takers?? It's much more fun when you run with friends :-).

He's coming . . .

Everyone has their favorite artist whom they adore, collect all their albums, know every song by heart, as well as exactly which album in what year that song was recorded. For me, that songwriter is Jackson Browne. I have Chris to thank for introducing me to such an amazing talent, a poet whose lyrics and music speak directly to the heart and soul. Chris a long time fan and has even met JB in person, we've attended three of his concerts together, and this morning I was screaming in the phone when Chris called and told me Browne was coming to Deer Valley this summer and we were going - SWEET!

So, in celebration of one of the greatest singer/songwriters to ever grace the planet, enjoy a retrospective set to one of my favorite songs from his latest album Time the Conquerer . . .

It's all about FAMILY

I thought I would share a video I put together for my family from last summer (oh, before you play the video, turn off the blog music :-). After spending a couple wonderful days up here in Oregon visiting Jenna, I realize how blessed I am to have such a great sister. It seem like just yesterday we were growing up under the same roof with our bedrooms right next door, and now here we are raising our own children and learning from life's ups and downs. To be honest, our relationship hasn't always been strong, but the last couple of years we've gradually become closer, and spending time up here with Jen's family is just what we needed to strengthen our bond even more.

Thanks Jen for inviting me to your home to spend the weekend . . . here's to making more memories together in the future!